So it's official, I had my breakdown. So I thought that keeping busy was a good thing. Monday when I got home from Sacramento I went straight to my Mary Kay meeting, back to work! All day Tuesday I had training for my new ASL teaching job, 3 ASL tutoring session and a MK delivery. Gone from 9a till about 7p. Wednesday went to the gym, made a MK delivery, finished training and started teaching my 3 students, soroptimist meeting then home. Gone from 10a till 8:30p. Today I went to Zumba, came home did Mk work (booking, selling, coaching, ya know) networking lunch in Santa Fe springs, grand opening chamber event in Bellflower, then went to a LA MK meeting with a new consultant. Worked from 8:30-10:30p. And the breakdown happens when I was trying to leave the LA MK meeting. During the meeting I realized I had missed Johns call tonight but I knew it would be okay and I was doing what I needed to do. But at the meeting they forgot to tell the new people how to get our parking validated and how to leave the parking structure. So first I can't find my way out. I'm tired. I'm confused and I just want to get home. Finally find my way out but it won't let me because its not validated. While trying to figure out what in the world I needed to do John called me again. So I'm trying to not be frazzled because he doesn't need to hear that. But I can't help it, I just started crying. The guy I asked for help from first was rude and wasn't willing to even try to help me out. Then the next woman was rude and all of this is going on with John on speaker phone. I finally decided to just go back up to the meeting room but first I have to go back down to park and one guy who worked their and saw me leave stopped me and asked what I was doing, nicely. Now I lose John on the phone and just start crying again. But this guy was amazing he ran through the parking structure so he could guide me out. Absolutely above and beyond what he needed to do but he could see I was going through something. When I finally got out all I was thinking was how much I wish I could just run home to John, cuddle and cry because I knew he could take care of everything. He's my rock! But right now he can't be, that's not an option. I must be the rock. Tonight, I truly missed him. If this is just week 1, I cannot even imagine how I am going to handle another 10 weeks before the wedding and then 15 weeks after that. God must think I'm one strong woman... I could really use some Ben & Jerry's right now.
Anyway, let talk about John. He had his first PT today. He didn't say much about it so he must have been able to handle it. He says he is going to get yelled at tomorrow because he messed up his shirt he had to make tonight. I didn't understand why he just didn't make a new one. You can tell he is feeling a bit overwhelmed. He is a perfectionist, an over analyzer. So he said he is getting tripped up on the little things. He said he wanted to go take a driving school thing one weekend, I told him it could have been a good idea before he left but for now just knew that they are going to teach him all he needs to know. But you can tell the retreads are scaring him a bit, not on purpose, but because most of them fell out during driving. But most make it through! I honestly and truly believe that God has prepared him for this a long time ago. This dream was put on his heart for a reason. I don't know how else to change his head that he is going to fail out of this. They had to pick their insurance today and he said he opted out to just stay on his parents till we get married. That way if he doesn't make to through... Seriously! If he keeps having this mindset he won't make it just because he think he wont. But I can only tell him so many times that he has this, he will make it and he just needs to focus one day at a time. So I keep trying to and keep reminding him that I love him.
So we need prayer and lots of it right now. This is much harder than I thought it was going to be. But I know we can do it!
And if you can/want to send John letters of encouragement please do! Just no packages, nothing that stands out. We don't want attention drawn to him but encouraging letters would be great! Feel free to send them to
Cadet Kimble
CTC III-12
California Highway Patrol Academy
3500 Reed Ave.
West Sacramento, CA 95605
No comments:
Post a Comment