About last night

Last night my husband got out his class A uniform, made sure his brass was shined enough, extra shined his boots, grabbed his nice hat put it all together for today. This is done when something really good has happened or really bad... unfortunately, he is on his way to a CHP officers memorial.

Last week, while doing a routine traffic stop, a motor officer was shot to death in a crazy freeway shootout. 2 other officers were wounded. If you didn't notice, the word ROUTINE was used. Driver broke a law, officer pulled him over, ran his information and decided the proper action for situation. While the officer was filling out paperwork, the suspect decided he didn't like the outcome and pulled a gun. (that he didn't get legally of course, in case any was wondering 🙄)

It was the first time I was on edge about learning more about the situation and the officers involved. It was the first time my heart sank that maybe it could be someone we know. It was the first time I felt the need to reach out to other wives and make sure everyone else was okay. It was way too close to home.

Last night my husband probably didn't even notice that I was quiet because it was one of the first times I was actually hurting and a bit scared about this job. I am really big on being a strong, supportive LEO wife. I knew what my husband was getting into when he signed up. I knew what I was getting into by marrying him still. So supportive I will always be. Choosing faith over fear is what I always do. But last night, I'm quiet. Last night, I had a pain in stomach and couldn't sleep. Last night, I tried not to cry knowing another wife is having to say goodbye to her husband of only a short time all because some guy didn't like him doing his job.  Last night, my heart truly felt the heaviness of this thin blue line.

Now, of course, this doesn't mean my thoughts of what it means to be a LEO wife have changed. But accepting these thoughts, these feelings and going through them are good. I'm human, and I can't let my emotions get the best of me but I can feel them and I can find the guidance I need to work through them.

Psalm 91

¹ Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
    will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
² This I declare about the Lord:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
    he is my God, and I trust him.
³ For he will rescue you from every trap
    and protect you from deadly disease.
⁴ He will cover you with his feathers.
    He will shelter you with his wings.
    His faithful promises are your armor and protection.
⁵ Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night,
    nor the arrow that flies in the day.
⁶ Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness,
    nor the disaster that strikes at midday.
⁷ Though a thousand fall at your side,
    though ten thousand are dying around you,
    these evils will not touch you.
⁸ Just open your eyes,
    and see how the wicked are punished.

⁹ If you make the Lord your refuge,
    if you make the Most High your shelter,
¹⁰ no evil will conquer you;
    no plague will come near your home.
¹¹ For he will order his angels
    to protect you wherever you go.
¹² They will hold you up with their hands
    so you won’t even hurt your foot on a stone.
¹³ You will trample upon lions and cobras;
    you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!

¹⁴ The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me.
    I will protect those who trust in my name.
¹⁵ When they call on me, I will answer;
    I will be with them in trouble.
    I will rescue and honor them.
¹⁶ I will reward them with a long life
    and give them my salvation.”

So tonight I will laugh with him a little more, hug him a little tighter, kiss a littler longer, and hold on to what we have now. Reality may be setting in but our faith will always get us through it.