It has been a long month!

Where do I even begin???

Let's start CHP... Unfortunately his office his having a very high amount of fatal crashes lately and my husband had to take his first. Well technically it was his second but the first was an older man who had a heart attack while driving. This was a fatal because of the crash. One thing that was good and scary to see at the same time was how my husband handled it. It was just another day at the office. Just another crash. Didn't seem to hit him in any crazy way. This is good for the job of course because this is just year 2, he is going to see a lot worse in the future, so knowing that he can handle it like this is good. But at the same time my heart sank hearing about this and shook me a little so not seeing much at of him who was actually there when the crazy went down is just a bit odd for me. But overall I know its a good thing for him to be like this during those times.

Another things CHP related is we are finally seeing everyone transfer out of this office. We knew it was coming. We always heard that people don't stay but now it is becoming more of a reality. Even though I haven't had a chance to get really close with anyone, they are still friends I have had a great time getting to know a little bit and it will be hard to see them go but that just means more will come in and maybe they will stay. The office Christmas party is this weekend so it will be nice to mix and mingle with some of the other wives and not just the ones from my husbands class. A lot can change in 2 years.

Now on to fun stuff... WE ARE HOME OWNERS! The crazy journey to purchasing our first home is done and we are happily in our new home. We got to move in the day before Thanksgiving which was great and crazy. We actually got a call like 2 hours before we were suppose to get the keys that escrow missed a place that the seller needed to sign and it couldn't be recorded that it was our till the following Monday. Our realtor had to scramble to find the seller to write up a contract that we could move in "early" because it was not our fault that it wasn't closed yet. We finally moved into our new home about 9-10pm. Oh... and then we locked ourselves out around midnight. LOL It was crazy but we made it work and now we have just been putting together our home. I decided to have events this weekend (1 for my business, another a family gathering) at my home which makes getting the house together a bit of a hurry, but its coming together nicely!

Very excited to spend our first holiday season, relaxing in our own home :)

So much going on!!!

It has been awhile since posting and honestly its because we are so busy with stuff other than CHP! :) Its nice when it is not the center of the world for awhile.

We are actually in the escrow for our first home which we should be moving to in the next week or two! We cannot wait this is process is over. Many people told us it was the most stressful thing to go through in your life... I think the academy was worse so at least that was good. LOL Still hasn't been easy though.

Anyway, my husband has had his first trainee this past month, which has been interesting. Makes me feel good knowing he is not the one swamped with reports but then again I am annoyed when he is home 2 hours after the shift ended because he was waiting in his trainee to get things done. But overall he has enjoyed it and I knew he would. He has such a giving heart I know he hasn't been a total pain to his trainee but at the same time its funny to hear the stories of the trainee leaving the lights on and how he has had to get them to notice without flat out telling them.

The one thing I have really enjoyed about him becoming a FTO is that he has more confidence in himself and seems more relaxed with his coworkers. He is such a "perfectionist" that he can get really hard on himself for things but since he has a trainee he is focused on them. He comes home with more light-hearted stories of how the FTOs were sitting back watching their trainees figure out an accident together or comparing at the end of the day which trainee had a better day. Pretty much, he comes home a lot happier being an FTO. He doesn't have a trainee next phase but I am hoping the following he will because it will be fun to see the difference of FTO 1st phase and FTO 3rd phase.

Once exciting thing is we have a holiday off! He actually got Thanksgiving off! I like that our office just keeps things the way they are. if you normally work Thursday, then guess what you work Thanksgiving. At least that way I expect it. And come on this is only his 2nd year so we don't expect any holidays, which is completely fine! We know we picked this life and this is just something that comes with it, no biggie. But if we are not moving that day, it will be really nice to actually just enjoy the holiday together.

Until next time! Pray for us and the closing of escrow and moving! :)

A great part about this job

I have to say, being a part of the CHP family really is pretty awesome. Yes it can be dangerous and the paperwork for them at times is very overwhelming but overall my husband LOVES his job and I am right there with him.

But I do have to the the best part about his job, at least in my books at the moment, is OT! We are very blessed to be able to live on his paycheck alone (even though I choose to still work, I love to work lol) But when we need extra money there is almost always OT. Now I know this is not the situation at most offices, another reason why I love being in a LA office. Right now we are going through escrow to purchase our first home. My husband is just a little freaked out that all our money is going to the down payment and closing cost (which most is, for sure) so what does he do? He picks up a few OT shifts. Just in the past 2 days he has 17 hours of OT. It is really nice to know that when it comes down to it and we need more money for something we want there is a way to get it.

We were really hesitant about working OT because so many talk about how you can get use to working it and that money always coming in so you start living the life where you need that OT instead of it just being extra. Plus we really value our time together and when we don't have a full day together it really through us. Honestly, he has only worked like 5 OT shifts in the past 2 years on and many people work way more than that. But the good part about that right now is that that make his the top person on the list now that he actually wants the OT.

Also, there are many different types of OT. He has done a DUI detail which means his own job that nigh is to pull over people in the area he thinks are DUI. He has had "construction" details like now the I-5 has major construction going on so they need officers to sit at the site and make sure dumb people don't drive into their closed off ramp. Or "freeway cleanup" detail and they need an officer to make sure everyone is doing their community service. So even though he may be working 5 days in a row with just 1 day off to go back at it, those OT shifts are not crazy and come be a blessing for him to get some reports finished before he goes back for his normal shifts.

So yeah for OT, boo for less time together but its only temporary and it will make this moving process to our NEW HOME that much better!

Can't wait to share with you guys next week because he has his first trainee this weekend for the next month! Bring on the new boots!

Everything is happening at once!

I just love my church. I just love that God always has whoever is preaching to say exactly what I need to hear! And I almost didn't go today because I didn't get much sleep last night but God got me up and I know why. Today's verses:

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.”

1 Peter 5:6-11 NIV

http://bible.com/111/1pe.5.6-11.niv

So there is a lot going on in life right now. Let's start with my husband. WE'RE GOING BACK TO A WATCH!!! 😄 tonight is actually his last C watch shift (at least for 3 month, or if he take OT) but I don't care. We can have dinner together again. I get to sleep again! Oh how I miss sleep when he is not here. I know he has had a lot of fun on C watch and he will be "low man" on A watch but I just need good sleep again, everyday! Lol Another thing is that he finished FTO (field training officer) training so he can officially train the new boots coming in, I think mid Oct too. And if so he is more than likely to get a training this first round because they normally train on A watch first. There could be some real fun stories coming soon. He is still training for motor as well but he seems a bit discouraged. I know he was saying the other day how he has his whole career to do motor. I just don't want him to not do it because he is scared. He is a perfectionist and he doesn't feel like he gets to train enough to actually go back to Sacramento and do the 2 week training/testing. Hopefully he finds his peace and can figure it out. I think FTO will be fun for him for now.

Now my life. Not only are we back in school with almost my part time schedule completely filled, it's time to get ready for the holidays with my business. Oh and did I mention that I am a in charge of a fundraiser this month for the non-profit I volunteer for. Sounds manageable right? This is where that verse was exactly what I needed to hear. I am always so anxious with so much going on. Learning to cast all that on Him and stand firm in my faith is so hard but so easy at the same time. 

Oh and did I forget to mention we are about a year and half into not being on birth control so that's getting a bit nerve racking. A little tired of peeing on a stick and seeing nothing. Oh yeah, and we are buying a house! Seriously? I spoke this one into existence. Like 6 months ago I was like "I swear if I am moving, pregnant, getting ready for holidays all during the month on October I am going to go nuts!" Be careful what you asks for right? 

And then I went to church today and heard this lovely message. 😊 Honestly, when I look at all that is going on in my life these are not sufferings, THESE ARE SO MANY BLESSINGS!!! So many people would kill to have a teaching job they love at a school they love, a business they love with customers that love them, being able to have the time to volunteer for a non-profit and help make a difference in the community, START A FAMILY, BUY A HOUSE! And all at the ripe age of 28. I mean when God makes it rain! But it's the devil that is trying to make me feel stressed, weak, anxious.... BUT I REFUSE! My students are awesome! My business is booming and I love every minute of it! This fundraiser is going to be better than the last one and done with complete freedom and ease! Our family will start just at the right time God has planned! The right house will be available to us at the right price and it will be perfect! I seriously am so humbled by all the blessing God keeps pouring down on us. I just want to be a example to others to show His amazing Glory and all that came come when you accept Christ and live the life he has planned for you! 

So breathe, pray, read His word and know that everything is going to be okay! 

Crazy shift

So I wrote this on 9/14/15 and never actually posted it! So here ya go :)

So last Thursday's shift was my first experience of freak out. LOL One thing I learned way before becoming an officer's wife is that the news is pretty much all negative so I don't watch. But I do follow the local stations because I do like to know what is going on in the area. So last Thursday I was relaxing getting ready to netflix the night away since my husband was working but before I did that was checking Facebook one last time. The headline I saw was "Pursuit in Whittier". Well I know that Whittier is one of their areas so first thing I do is search for him on "Find my friend". (best app ever btw for a LEO wife lol) He happened to be in Whittier too. So I am freaking out and trying to turn the TV on to see what is going on. Good thing is when I finally found it on TV it had ended in Downey so I at least had a bit of relief when I knew he wasn't in the area. So I just text him, told him I loved him and to be careful out there. I got to go to bed, calmly which was nice.

The next morning our dog woke me up (normally does when he his my husband come home) so I was waiting to hear the door open but after a few minutes and not hearing anything I decided to check my phone to see what time it was it and it was almost 7am. He gets off at 5:30 so he is normally home no later than 6:30 unless something happens end of shift. I wasn't too worried but I did have a text from my mom "Call me when you wake up". That's it. No good morning, no how are you doing.. just call me. So something was wrong but I wasn't awake enough to deal with it. So I got on good old FB and, again, headline "CHP officer shot at traffic stop". Well that woke me up! I was up in my bed so fast. I searched for my husband on the app again. Felt like the longest 30 seconds of my life. Saw he was at his office so knew he was okay but pretty shaken by it of course. Kept reading the article I found to make sure the officer was okay. But as I read it all I could keep thinking was if that guy would have just taken the 60 instead of the 10 that would have been my officer. Wow! Just wow! 

Here is an official welcome to the law enforcement family...

FTO, motor, both... who knows!

So I guess the fun of CHP is there is really so much that can be done. About 6 months ago my husband started training for motor officer. Now this is something he always had in the back of his mind since starting the CHP application 2 1/2 years ago. He even got his motorcycle license like weeks before he went to the academy. But when another motor offered to help train him, he was all for it. It has been really great. There is nothing like seeing him all excited after practicing or even just riding around to do errand. He is much more willing to go out and do errands when he can do it on his bike lol. But since going to graves he hasn't had as much time to practice. Not to mention that the clutch broke and needed repairs about 2 weeks ago so now that that is all fix and ready to go he is back at it. Especially since his office has officially ordered more bikes and the motor sergeant asked if he was ready to go back to the academy. The fire is right back in him!

There is just one little problem towards this goal now, FTO (field training officer) training. So since he is in one of the busiest offices (if not, the busiest office) in the state, they get a lot of turn around. What that means is people don't really stay in Santa Fe Springs. Why get paid the same to do more work? Well we grew up here so were not leaving anytime soon. And my husband loves being busy with work so its not a problem for us at the moment. But they do get new officers in the officer all the time! Pretty much every graduating class there will be at least a few that go to the SFS office. But this next graduating class has like 20 coming! Obviously they are not use to that many new officers so they need more FTOs to train these guys. So even though he did not volunteer to be an FTO, someone is going to FTO training next month. 

Now if you ask me, I am really excited about this. I believe my husband is a great teacher/mentor! I think he has the patients to work with newbies without being an ass about it. He had some pretty good trainers too so that really helps as well. I like the idea that he will be partnered with someone all the time. I like the idea that the newbie will be taking most of the paperwork lol. I think this is going to be a great opportunity for him. But I know how much motor means to him. Like I said before, there is nothing to compare to see him when he just gets off his bike. He truly lights up. But the good thing is he has talked with the different sergeants to see if FTO will get in the way of him being a motor and they told him that motor is his priority. It is really nice to know that they support him in all of this. But I am excited for these new things he gets to do and can't wait to see what God has planned for him these next few months! 

On another note, it has been almost 2 years now since he received that letter saying he was accepted into the CHP academy and we headed up to Sacramento. What an amazing ride we have been on ever since then! Blessed doesn't even begin to express how I feel about it! 

Ps 128:1-4 NIV Blessed are all who fear the Lord, who walk in obedience to him. You will eat the fruit of your labor; blessings and prosperity will be yours. Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Yes, this will be the blessing for the man who fears the Lord.

Too much time to think...

The thing I hate most about grave shift is there is so much alone time. And some people would this. Me? I HATE IT! I am a person who is way too much in my own head so when I am alone I over analyze everything. With the husband going back to work tonight after about a week off I have a lot of emotion to go through from this past week. It all came flooding to the surface when I saw one of the most beautiful pictures of a friend and her family.

I want that. That look on her husband's face and he is holding their child. I just cried. Really crying still. It was perfect. And it just felt like this is never going to be a reality for me. And I know that is not true. I have no idea what God's plan is for us. It just feels so far away right now. So I was searching online just for some words of wisdom and found this site 

http://www.hipsterhomemaker.com/things-you-never-say-to-a-person-struggling-with-infertility/

We don't really struggle with infertility, just the ability to make this work at the right now right now lol. But I still want to share these past few weeks and connect her "things to say" with some "rules" of my own. 

About 2 weeks ago, while preparing things for a baby shower for another CHP wife, my mom told me I had to call my sister. Obviously talking about baby stuff and she randomly tells me this, she's saying she pregnant. So I got to hear the news from her which was awesome but awful too because she was afraid to tell me because she knows we are "trying" too. I mean my sister has been "trying" for 6 years so of course I would be happy. Rule #1: don't be afraid to share your joy with me! Yes I may find it hard (depending on who you are lol) but it is still an amazing thing and would love to share in that joy! But if I don't want to talk about it, that's okay too.

But along with that I'll give Rule #2: don't feel bad for us, especially don't show it. At the baby shower, we had a nice intimate group. The conversation some how came up to how long the women with children took to conceive. And they started discussing how hard it would be for it to be longer than I think the 4 months one of them took. Here we are almost a year and do I say something about it? Obviously people didn't know we have been "trying" so do I speak up or just keep my silence. I find that silence doesn't help anyone so I chose to speak up. This is hard. Every month when AF shows up and all I want to do is cry and wonder what is wrong with me. But we need love, prayer, support not pity. 

This is I guess a good time for Rule #3:I need someone to ask me how I am doing sometimes and be willing to see the tears. Last week I was having all kind of "symptoms" but I try not to get too excited because my PMS symptoms are like every pregnancy symptom in the book. But in the same day my sister found out she was/will be miscarrying and AF was suppose to show and she wasn't there yet. So many emotion and no one to talk to. And when AF did finally show the next day, no comments were made. No conversation about how crappy it was or maybe next time. Nothing. I feel so alone at times. I want to scream inside and I suck it up and stay strong and act like its nothing. I guess that's where this blog comes in right? 

But Rule #4:I love "baby time"! It reminds me of the joys that will come if we do not lose faith. Yes I want to hold, feed, play, sing, walk, and even change your baby lol. You need a break and I need love so let's make it work. I guess I can't say his for everyone but for me it is so therapeutic. But also know I will not bother you. You have kids, I don't so I find it awkward to be like "hey let's hang out, get coffee." 

I think that is all the "rules" I have for now lol. So to connect this with our CHP life... What is with CHP families and their millions of kids! I feel like everyone is a stay at home mom with like 3-4 kids. It just makes introductions awkward. Everyone doing their intros and talking about all their kids and here I am... I work. I mean I really love my CHP wives. There is nothing like being a part of this family. This family will go above and beyond for one another in a crisis. But not having a child makes a big disconnect in it sometimes too. You can tell people don't know how to talk to me because I just work. Asking about kids and getting all involved in those conversation are easy but work can only go so far. Especially when I mention my business. God forbid sometime people think I am just there to sell them something, like anywhere of course. But when you don't have kids you can only talk about their kids for so long.

But I know things will change. This is all still so new. Kids will come in due time. I just need to talk it through all the time and keep remind myself. But hopefully someone is reading this and is finally feeling like they are not alone! This is okay to talk about. We need to talk. We need to share our stories more and more so people know it is normal and okay and they will make it through. 

Hopefully I don't need to talk about this anymore... Only one more month on graves (hopefully), motor training up north and buying our first home by the end of the year! Here is to the next 3 months of life changing events!!! :)

Gratitude journal

I feel like I have been complaining A LOT lately. I don't want those negative thoughts always going through my mind. I want to have a grateful mind, heart and soul.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalms 37:4

I have way too many blessings in my life to be complaining that things are not happening at the time I want them too. I feel that God is really pulling me to delight in everything I have now, be content! People would kill for the blessings I have! I truly fell in love with my best friend and am so honored to call him my husband. He has an amazing career (although it's rough most of the time) that he loves so much and I can tell that is is truly a calling from God for him to be wear he is. Not only does he love it but it provides so well for us that we don't worry about financial issues which is huge, especially for our age. Not only do we have his career but my teaching job and business as well. Again, both things I get to call work I absolutely love! And I can seriously go on and on so I decided that I needed to remind myself of those amazing things everyday and started my gratitude journal today!

Last month when I went shopping with my mom one day at TJ Max, I was waiting for her by the door because I didn't find anything I wanted when this journal was just laying somewhere it didn't belong. I just knew I had to have it. Every page has a different Bible verse on it! I needed to start my gratitude journal but I never got around to it. So now I have. Today I started out just listing all the things I have grateful for. Filled up the whole page! I think I want focus on my gratefulness on the verse that is on the page each day. I think I may even share certain verses on here as a way to set the tone from here on out. I don't want this to be a a wife complaining (although I know I will every now and then, I am human). I want this to be a place to strength, faith, hope, love, etc. I want everyone to remember the amazing blessings we have in our lives not matter what we are going through. So tonight I love you with 1 James 1:2-18 and let it just remind our minds, fill out hearts and delight our souls for all God has for us. 😊

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position. But the rich should take pride in their humiliation—since they will pass away like a wild flower. For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich will fade away even while they go about their business. Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.”

James 1:2-18 NIV

Grave shift- It's a love/hate relationship

So we are on our 4 week of the lovely graveyard shift and most of the time I absolutely hate it! But ask me again in about 3 weeks and I will probably be one happy camper. lol You see something my husband and I truly value right now is the time we get to spend together. Since we do not have kids yet and I have the choice of working my jobs part time we really have gotten use to spending like 3-4 days together every week. But with graves that has really been cut. Right now he has been working Thursday nights- Sunday nights (not including when he gets called to court). I teach Monday, Wednesday and Friday and try to work my business on the weekends. So here is how our schedule have been going...

Friday he gets home around 6-7a in which I get up for work at 6a and im out the door by 7:30a. I go teach and work till about 2p I get home just in time to have a meal with my husband (maybe) and then he is off to work which starts at 5p
Saturdays are nice because he comes home around 6-7a so I get to enjoy a few hours in bed next to my husband but I am a morning person so I get up so he can sleep and do whatever I need to, which sometimes can be an appointment or delivery around the time he gets up for work so we may not get to see each other.
Sundays he gets home around 6-7a and I have to get up and get ready for church. About the time I get home from church he is getting up and ready for work, get to kiss him goodbye.
Monday he gets home around 6-7a in which I get up for work at 6a and im out the door by 7:30a.
Tuesday we get to relax together but sometimes he had court, sometimes I have deliveries.
Wednesday I teach till 3:30 but then we do stay up late so that he can stay on his nights awake routine which can be fun.
Thursdays he could have court before he has his actual shift and if so he goes in at about 12:30p, if not he could go in at 5p or have an 8 hour shift where he doesn't go in till 9p, all depends.

Then the cycle starts all over again.

Now some people are probably thinking "why would he even go to court then that take away from his sleep and down time". Yes but the CHP get overtime for court and that is some easy overtime so why not. Especially when we are currently saving to buy a home this month. This week alone he had 12 hours of overtime just for going to court. Plus he did a 9 1/2 hour overtime detail ( I was out of town on business so he figured just keep going). So this week alone he did 21 1/2 hours overtime. That is a good chunk of change! This is where my love relationship for graves comes in. He already get an increase in pay for doing graves and then top it off with the amount of overtime he can get too! We will have that down payment for our home by the end of the summer!

So not only is his paycheck going to be more, the overtime that will be coming is will be so much more as well. But I really do not like not seeing him for much during the times he is working but giving up a little bit now while we don't really need to care too much about it so that we can have what we want by the end of the year. Hopefully we are only suppose to be on grave till the end of Sept so 3 months to give up is not too bad at all. The hopefully he can go up north for 2 weeks and get this motor things going too!

Let C watch begin!

So this has been an exciting week. First, I grew up playing soccer so I am absolutely loving watching the US women's national team rock it at the World Cup! But the excitement gets me too excited to get back into my "glory days" shape even though I am far from it. So Tuesday after watching the awesome semifinals game I was pretty pumped to work out but we didn't feel like going to the gym. When that's the case we just workout at home, husband lifts weights and I play "Just Dance". Random, I know, but it is such a workout and so much fun. Well husband was done with his workout and checking on how I was doing when I went took a wrong step and "POP" is all we heard and down I went. So an ER trip and 2 hours later I have a lovely boot.

As you can see it is my right foot which means I cannot drive and I will be wearing this for at least 2 weeks. Good thing I have an awesome husband he painted my toes and drives me to work (good thing I work weekdays and he works weekends, who thought I would ever been happy about that)

Speaking of his work, he started C watch this weekend... Of course the lovely holiday weekend. First night out of course he arrested a DUI. Tonight they are betting on at least 2. Can't wait to hear the stories when he gets off. Crazy to think there are that many idiots on the road. Makes me happy that I can't drive right now I guess. But not. Having my husband next to me when I go to sleep is awhile new issue. Last year he did like 2 shifts on graves and I use to watch tv to fall asleep but I had been having sleep issues so we prayed on it and stopped that about 6 months ago now. So last night I woke up to every little sound possible. Luckily the husband was home at early enough to sleep a little more comfortably with him next to me for about 3 hours.

But here I am on this great holiday where everyone is outside, BBQing with friends and family... I'm inside watching netflix because I can't drive to those places. Yes my parents offered to pick me up to celebrate with them but, honestly, I am really surprised no one else did. I did have one friend offer to come spend time with me this week which is amazing because again no one else has. I thought people knew me. I am not great at just sitting around doing nothing. Don't get me wrong, today I didn't have to get dress, do my hair or my makeup and it was kind of awesome! But I'm always busy, always moving... Have a fitbit to make sure I get moving more. I did have one friend ask me to go dancing, does that count? Lol anyway, hopefully when we have kids we will bond with other families. This age kind of sucks because everyone is in such different places in life. 

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7 NIV)

This was my verse of the day today and I think it fits quite well. God doesn't want us to be scared or timid or even frustrated. God gives us our strength, our power to get through all we are going through. He gives us love, even when we feel like no one else is there. So even through I sit here, inside on the 4th of July, ankle in a boot and netflix on the tv... I know this too shall pass, my ankle will heal, c watch will be over, friends will come (and go) but it's nothing to stress over or worry about. It's just a part of our story. 

Remembering "Lord, you are good!"

I don't even know where to begin this one. For some reason my head has been filled with so much these past few months and it's time to let go and let God.

In church this morning, while the praise and worship music was going my head just kept going too. But I finally just felt over it and was trying to get the words of the songs to match the thoughts in my head. 

"Lord you are good and your mercy endureth forever"

Why do we worry about anything. God has gotten us through so much already and its only the beginning. Grave shift, motors, babies, a home... It will all come together in do time when we give it to God and keep doing what we are suppose to do.

"I will be glad and rejoice in thee, I will sing praises to thy name oh thou most high"

I will continue to be happy and enjoy this amazing life God has blessed us with now. I need to stop focusing on what we are trying to accomplish and be so proud and excited for what we have now. Thank God for all we have now. 

"I am grateful for the victories we've won"

Now this one really hit me hard. Back in when my husband was in the academy on his 4th attempt on one of the driving tests I was really struggling and actually had a great conversation with an amazing client of mine who told me I need to thank God now for the victories we are going to have in the future. With this song and Pastors sermon today was all about this too. 

Yes, I need to just be happy, joyful and excited for the blessings that we have currently. But I also need to Thank God for the blessings we are waiting for and then MOVE ON! Just let go and let God, seriously! I don't know why I have to tell this to myself every few months but sooner or later I'll get it lol

So here it is...

Thank you God for getting us through these next 3 months on the grave shift without any hiccups and my husband just feeling more strong and confident.

Thank you God for the training my husband has had on motor and for getting him through the 2 week Sacramento training to officially be a CHP motor :) 

Thank you God for the amazing blessing of a child and expanding our family and giving up the great privilege of being parents.

Thank you God for having the awesome opportunity to be home owners in a great community.

Amen!

What blessings are you waiting for and need to thank God for now?

Application in! Let the wait begin...

So it is finally official... husband Motorcycle officer application is in! This is crazy, real now! But I couldn't be more proud. He has been pretty dedicated to learning from his trainer and riding his motorcycle anywhere and everywhere. Even though he has not spent too much time on the BMW he will be tested on, we have some time for him to make the move and be ready for when they call him back up to Sacramento.

Yup, you heard that right. Back up to Sacramento he would go for official motor training. Only for 2 weeks, but still! Not sure how much time we know before he goes either. I figure it will be more than 10 days like last time LOL, hopefully. Anyway, I feel like I want him in "hardcore" training mode. You have down time? Go practice on the motor. Trainer wants to see you? Go! LOL I know, I know i am this super supportive wife... but it is so much more than that.

When we first got to our office over a year ago there was a group of officers that loved being on graveyard. Darn, right? :) It was more of a seniority thing to get on graves than it was to get off them. But of course that was too good to be true. This graveyard group wasn't happy about something and next thing you know they are all filing for transfers out. First 13 officers on one transfer list, then 10 on the next. This is a good and a bad thing. That means we will get that many new guys coming from the academy... yeah for quick seniority. But until they are ready to be on graves, guess who gets to go? And luckily the first quarter  my husbands classmates where moving to graves he got lucky and his partner was having a baby so we assume that is why we were just bottom of days. Who care we will take it! But we have heard that there is no choice for next quarter. I will have to learn to live the next 3 months with a man on graves :( Honestly, I can't complain! Some people spend their first 5-10 years on grave and we are probably going to be lucky enough to only do 3 months. So here is where I am "so excited" to get my husband on motors.

You see motors just negotiated new schedules. The state whats response times down and more of the community to see officers on the road. What better way than with motors! They can get through traffic to respond to accidents quicker and they can catch up faster to those breaking the law. So they are moving to 10 hour shifts (instead of 12 like the rest of the office), days (motors can't be out in the dark) M-F. Are you kidding me? Why would I NOT support my husband in this! Yes I know it is more dangerous... but they are trained by the best, they get a pay increase and now the best hours available too. Bring it on! If this is what my husband wants, honey you do whatever you need to do to get through this and become a motor! And not only all of this, he will be considered part of the "elite" of the CHP. It take a lot of work and its some hard training in Sacramento to become a CHP motor. If my husband has what it takes to be a part of that elite group, I am not going to stop that.

I have said it so many times before and I will never stop.. God has gotten us this far, why would we not have the faith to keep going? This life that we live now, the careers that we have chosen were really callings on our lives that we listened to. Why would we stop listening now? The happiness that I see in my husband being a CHP officer is great and I know that happiness will only grow following this journey to becoming a CHP motor officer. So back to the beginning... we wait. Hopefully we wait a little while just not too long. :)

Up all night update

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Colossians 3:15-17 NIV)

So for some reason I cannot sleep tonight and it has been awhile since I have posted something so I figured I would open my Bible app and see what God was putting on my heart before I could close my eyes.

Many people struggle with the journey we are on. We are trying to understand what God has created us for and which way, which path will lead us there. I can honestly say that for the first time in my life I feel like I am EXACTLY where I am suppose to be and this feelings is amazing! I recently stepped down from a management position with my business and it was really scary to do so. I had worked really hard to get there and my pride didn't want to let go. But I knew God had other plans with my teaching and my family so I had to move forward. Not move on, God no! I will have my business till the day I die. My clients are the best! I actually ended up having my best sales month in a long time which just reaffirmed this all. I knew God had a different plan for my business and I shared that with everyone I could talk to about it and He sure blessed me for that. I also received an additional position at my teaching job. It is absolutely amazing what God can do when you really do listen to Him and just step out in faith! 

Now on to my husband. He has been training for about 2 months now with this motor training. Well, training wise, it has been great! He is getting better day by day and I love seeing his excitement. But he had a little "oops" last month and The Sargent made an example out of him for sure. See he scratched the car on a guardrail trying to squeeze by traffic to get to an accident. So the consequence for this was 3 days of training with a senior officer riding with him all day long. At first my husband was devastated. He is not your typical "a type" personality cops so when he doesn't do a good job it hurts him instead of pissing him off. But we prayed about it and I kept telling him it was going to work out for the better for him. We were so right! The officer that was partnered with him for 3 days was the motor officer that is training him to be a motor! So honestly it gave them 3 days of bonding that they haven't had a chance to really have. 

So this peace I feel, about my career choices and my husbands, couldn't be better. I am not saying I am perfect at all. God knows this woman is an emotional  wreck most of the time about something I can't control! Lol but when I get a chance to breathe and really see all that God has blessed us with and the journey I know is a head of us, this peace calms my heart, my head and my soul. So breathe it all in! And I pray God's peace over you too! 

Deaths, Births.... it's all a part of life...

These past 2 weeks has been challenging ones. In the matter of about 36 hours I had a friend of mine pas away suddenly and another friend bring her life into the world with her son. Talk about a roller coaster ride of emotions. 

This friend of mine was one of the sweetest guys I have ever had the privilege of getting to know. The hardest part for me was the last time  had a chance to really get to talk to him. We had meet about 5 years ago and hung out a lot over that first year or two. But like many friendship, life happens, we get busy and we don't make the same time for people. Every now and then we were comment on FB just to stay connected. The shock of his lost hit me like I had never felt before. But at the same time I had this very strange sense of peace


John 14:1-4 “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.”



I know he had an amazing heart. I know that God had his own plans for us and honestly maybe he used this loss for many of us to open our eyes and remember what is important and to reconnect those of us who had become too busy. Either way he is a guy who will always be remembered and I know he is just smiling down on us for making sure we celebrated his life the way he wanted us to. 

The day after I found out about his death was probably the hardest because I had to just go on like nothing ever happened and my heart just wasn't ready yet. But when I was feeling my saddest, I got to see the best picture, my friend had just given birth to her amazing handsome new son. From a heart filled with sorrow to a heart so overfilled with love and excitement for this new chapter in their lives and to be so blessed to be sharing in their excitement.  

Romans 8:26-28 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[i] have been called according to his purpose. 

These verses seemed to fit this whole ride all into a few verses. Weakness was the best way to put how I felt. Or maybe helpless. And I had no idea what to say to God. I was praying but I felt like all I could do was ask question after question waiting for answers. Here is that answer, Its all God's will. For me, maybe I needed to feel that loss to remember how amazing and blessed we are, especially when new life is brought. Holding that 6 day old little boy was one of the most amazing feelings! This little God given miracle, who knows what is in store for him, Knowing that God has a plan and we are to enjoy each and every day we are given because we have no idea when it is our time to be called back home. 

"Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth." 

I have no idea where this saying started or if that is even the right way to put it but they kept saying it at his celebration of life. This friend lived and loved like every day was his last. Maybe he knew something all of us didn't. Maybe I am over thinking all of it. But most of all I hope me being able to talk out all of these feelings helps someone else in the process of life and loss. We have an amazing God and we may not always understand all that is going on but He will always take us where we need to go. 

5 

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight

What's next for me?

Okay so the first year is over and he is on to the next thing but what about me? Well, being 27, having a pretty successful business, a successful teacher career as well and a very happy and fulfilling marriage with an amazingly Godly man who just loves his career too. Everyone seems to think there is just one thing left to do... have babies!

I think I have been pulled into this trap of feeling so underachieving since we haven't yet. People keep asking about it... I even had 2 people at church touch my belly and start asking questions. Do I look pregnant? How is this okay??? This is seriously something I have no control over and there is so much expectation for it. Believe me if I could just snap my fingers and do it I would but God has his own plan. I don't know how to tell people to leave it alone until we say that it is time. All it seems to do is create this worry, anxiousness and inadequacy in me which is not good at all.

Yesterday I pretty much had an emotional breakdown about it all. I just started crying out of nowhere and couldn't stop it either. Completely freaking out my husband of course. We had such a great dinner and we get home and ready for bed when I just roll over and cry. I was just filled with so much emotion over "why is this not happening?" and "can I even handle it when the time come?" and so much more kept going through my head. After of 30 minutes of fighting my husband not wanting to talk about it, he just started praying over me. Seriously, there is nothing better in the world than having such an amazing man of God as my partner in life. And of course he said exactly what I needed to hear and that is when everything came out like a flood!

"Why is this taking so long?"
"What if something is wrong?"
"People have 'accidents' all the time, why is it when some try it takes forever?"
"Why can other people just get it right the first time?"
"What if I can't handle it?"
"Are we really ready?"
"Why do I want this so bad?"
"Why do I feel like God is playing with my emotions?"
"What else can we do?"
"Is there something I am missing?"

Being at peace with something you have no control over is probably the hardest things ever. But like I have said before I believe I am a strong woman of God. Most of the time I am at peace with all that is going on in life and can just go with the flow. But we are all human and my human side loves to remind me how crazy life can be and throw me into some awful emotional states. But one of my favorite verses that always plays in my head during those times is
Philippians 4:13 "I Can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"

So today I decided to open up and read what leads up to this verse and God was really trying to show me peace...
10 I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me.Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Wow! Being content is really where is all begins. If I am content with my family and my life the way it is, God will continue to bless me and my family. He hasn't failed me, what makes me worry like he would now?

So basically I hope someone learns something from all of this, other than just me of course, (Which this is amazing therapeutic! If you have never blogged yourself, you should try it. You can talk yourself through a lot and maybe help others too)
-If you know if a couple who is "trying" leave them alone about it. Stop asking. Stop bringing it up. When it happens, they will be more than happy to share the big news. I
-If you are going through it yourself, remember God has amazing plans for you and it is REALLY hard sometimes to just relax and enjoy the journey He has when you want something so exciting. Be happy, content and at peace about as much as you can.
-Its okay to be human and breakdown, just remember to fallback on the one who love you and can lead you back to your true peace in God. :)

One year as an Officer's wife :) what now?

Today marks the 1st anniversary of CTC-II-13 graduation! I cannot believe that a whole year has already flown by! I couldn't be more proud of my husband and to be a part of the CHP family.  So what to do now that probation is over and he can relax and enjoy? More training of course!

Last week my husband stated his training process to be a CHP motor officer. Most people I talk to love to ask "are you afraid?" Seriously? First and foremost people, do not ask a wife if she is afraid of her husbands job. Even if I was do i need your pity? Okay that may be a little harsh but come on. I got it the whole time he was in the process to get into the academy, then in the academy and then during probation. I get my husband has a dangerous job and it can be scary.

But here is where I get to really give my two cents on the whole thing. I am very proud that my husband and I have a very strong and secure foundation in God first, especially when it comes to this family. This is not something we just jumped into. Lots of prayers have gone up! And nothing but peace and comfort have come down. As a woman of God I know that I do not control when my time or my husbands time is up. That being said, if he feels like he is being called to this position in his career who am I not to trust God's plan? When he first told me he wanted to be a CHP officer, i'll admit, I laughed and said sure whatever you said. The it opened and he worked his butt off to get into that academy and to graduate. I knew God had a different plan in store for our family. When talk came up about being a motor, about 6 months ago , I laughed again and told him no way. I the matter of a week I had 2 people I had met (1 died, other had major recovery process to go through but did) and 1 family hit on their motorcycles (just banged up a bit). But he kept being it up and I knew it was something that wasn't going to go away. So having a conversation about it was due. I knew that God gave my husband great peace this journey He was taking him through so why should I not have that same peace?

So yes I get scared at times and yes it does make me nervous but I have an awesome God who has this amazing plan for my family so I trust that we are following Him. Besides my husband is learning how to ride with the best of the best so he must be in good hands. The CHP family only wants to see him accomplish great things too. :) Here are a few verses I like to play over and over in my head when the fear does get stronger.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Psalm 32:8 "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you."

A full year as an officer... so far a success!

I read this article the other day (8 tips for being a successful police family) and it made me what to share my opinion about everything they said and how we have decided on these topics. In just 10 short days my DH will officially be an officer for a full year! It really is crazy how time flies! and how much things can change in just a year. So here is their list and how I have related that to our lives this past year.

1. Talk about how much you want to share about the job

We have really had to work through this one. I have heard many different things from many different families and I wanted to be the most supportive wife I could be but I also have to think about my head/heart too. For the most part I let my husband share as much as he wants. He loves calling me on his way home from work and sharing all his stories with me. Even some that I wish he wouldn't and when they go a little far for me I just let him know so he can make a mental note about it. The one things I do have him keep to himself these days is his motor training. Becoming a motor officer is a great privilege and I am very excited about him doing this but at the same time I am a bit scared to death! So I have shared that while he is in training for it I don't want to know. When he passes all the test to actually become a motor officer then I will be more open to hearing motor stories, hopefully. :)

2. Discuss with whom you will share the knowledge of his/her police status

Now this is a topic we have been trying to figure out still. When he first got home last year, we had decided that only family, church family and close friends would know. But that changed pretty quick. I have a home business and so my customers would be coming to our home and being able to see his war bag, maybe a uniform so we decided I could share with them if they asked. Then we had a crazy incident happen right outside our home where DH needed to be "officer" so a few neighbors found out or told us they already knew since they saw him taking his uniforms and war bag in and out of the house. So now we really don't worry about it. We are a very faith-based family so if we feel it is okay then we share, if not we just say "work for the state". 

3. Decide how much off-duty work is permissible. 

Let just say this topic is for both of us. Being a teacher (and last year working on building a new curriculum) I bring work home occasionally. But working from home, I can be working all of the time. So we have an agreement, if one person is working then the other can. So when I am at school I assume he is getting his reports done if he did not finish them at his work days. Now I really try not to work my business on our days off together but sometimes I have to make deliveries and so most of the time we do them together and we will grab lunch or dinner out while we do so. Honestly, as long as you make sure you create time for each other and time for family you do not worry about how much time a part (working) you have. Make the time you have together really count! 

4. Have an off-duty carry plan

Now this was a whole new idea for me. I never grew up familiar with guns. and the idea that he would be carrying one all the time was scary at first. But I chose to educate myself and prepare myself. We go to the range together so that I know how to use it and feel comfortable around it and other guns. But when it comes to a "plan" if he had to use it, we actually have never really talked about it. I mean we have probably joked about it now and then and mentioned something quick but never an actual plan. This is probably because we do not have kids yet but a plan of action is something that is needed and should be talked about. 

5. Get used to unusual hours / going to events on your own

I learned this one really quick. And honestly it wasn't a problem at all. I knew what I was getting into when I married him. I knew he would miss holidays, birthday, events... and I am okay with all of that because he has a career he loves! What you have to get use to is the people always asking where he is. I mean if he is not with me at this lovely event where do you think he is??? LOL So get use to saying it over and over at the event and don't let anyone burst your bubble and make you feel sad about it. He has an amazing career and we have an amazing life together. May not be the norm but its our journey/adventure and I wouldn't want it any other way!

6. Embrace other police families

I feel so privileged and honored that the CHP organization truly wants us to feel like a family itself. We had a large group of officers from his class go to his specific office so the wives/girlfriends of the group got a chance to get close. This has been fantastic! It is so nice to feel like we have someone going through the same thing and be able to discuss our frustration with someone other than our other half. Also, recently our office has had a wives get together, again to we have people to talk to and go to when we are struggling adjusting to this new life. I couldn't be more happy about feeling like I have people to go to and connect with who will actually understand what we are going through because they are going through it too or have already been through it. 

7. Don't be afraid to ask for help

Still working on this one. Even though I said i am very happy about having the people to go to for help, that still doesn't mean I use them. I tend to think I can handle a lot on my own and try to just hide it but more recently I am learning to share my concern and talk it out with other wives or better yet my husband. When he first started I kept thinking to myself "his job is hard enough as it is, he doesn't need my stress on top of it. But we are a family. He can handle me needing help and working with me, he can't handle me crazy and not understanding what is going on. Know it is okay to talk things through with the people God has put in your life and that you husband needs to know it too. 

8. Be confident in the strength of your relationship

Now this is no problem for us at all. Once you go through the academy together and make it through that, you can do anything! LOL We have a very strong foundation in God when it comes to our relationship so when things get through we turn to Him, together and we always find our way through it. We know God has a plan for our lives together and with Him guiding it, we will be just fine. We are learning to just enjoy this crazy, amazing journey he has us on and knowing that we are going through exactly what we need to be to get to where He wants us to be.