About last night

Last night my husband got out his class A uniform, made sure his brass was shined enough, extra shined his boots, grabbed his nice hat put it all together for today. This is done when something really good has happened or really bad... unfortunately, he is on his way to a CHP officers memorial.

Last week, while doing a routine traffic stop, a motor officer was shot to death in a crazy freeway shootout. 2 other officers were wounded. If you didn't notice, the word ROUTINE was used. Driver broke a law, officer pulled him over, ran his information and decided the proper action for situation. While the officer was filling out paperwork, the suspect decided he didn't like the outcome and pulled a gun. (that he didn't get legally of course, in case any was wondering 🙄)

It was the first time I was on edge about learning more about the situation and the officers involved. It was the first time my heart sank that maybe it could be someone we know. It was the first time I felt the need to reach out to other wives and make sure everyone else was okay. It was way too close to home.

Last night my husband probably didn't even notice that I was quiet because it was one of the first times I was actually hurting and a bit scared about this job. I am really big on being a strong, supportive LEO wife. I knew what my husband was getting into when he signed up. I knew what I was getting into by marrying him still. So supportive I will always be. Choosing faith over fear is what I always do. But last night, I'm quiet. Last night, I had a pain in stomach and couldn't sleep. Last night, I tried not to cry knowing another wife is having to say goodbye to her husband of only a short time all because some guy didn't like him doing his job.  Last night, my heart truly felt the heaviness of this thin blue line.

Now, of course, this doesn't mean my thoughts of what it means to be a LEO wife have changed. But accepting these thoughts, these feelings and going through them are good. I'm human, and I can't let my emotions get the best of me but I can feel them and I can find the guidance I need to work through them.

Psalm 91

¹ Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
    will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
² This I declare about the Lord:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
    he is my God, and I trust him.
³ For he will rescue you from every trap
    and protect you from deadly disease.
⁴ He will cover you with his feathers.
    He will shelter you with his wings.
    His faithful promises are your armor and protection.
⁵ Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night,
    nor the arrow that flies in the day.
⁶ Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness,
    nor the disaster that strikes at midday.
⁷ Though a thousand fall at your side,
    though ten thousand are dying around you,
    these evils will not touch you.
⁸ Just open your eyes,
    and see how the wicked are punished.

⁹ If you make the Lord your refuge,
    if you make the Most High your shelter,
¹⁰ no evil will conquer you;
    no plague will come near your home.
¹¹ For he will order his angels
    to protect you wherever you go.
¹² They will hold you up with their hands
    so you won’t even hurt your foot on a stone.
¹³ You will trample upon lions and cobras;
    you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!

¹⁴ The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me.
    I will protect those who trust in my name.
¹⁵ When they call on me, I will answer;
    I will be with them in trouble.
    I will rescue and honor them.
¹⁶ I will reward them with a long life
    and give them my salvation.”

So tonight I will laugh with him a little more, hug him a little tighter, kiss a littler longer, and hold on to what we have now. Reality may be setting in but our faith will always get us through it.

So much can happen in such a short time

I can't believe I haven't posted anything since May!

I want to start talking about what's going on in this country first. Since my last post we have lost, I believe more than 10 officers in the country due to people shooting them! Are you kidding me?!?! For the most part I don't worry about my husband. This is the life he wanted. He is very good at it and has always had pretty good interactions with people. Plus he is a strong man of God so I know his protection is all over him and when it is his time there is nothing I can do about it anyway. But I am not going to lie, the morning of the Dallas PD shooting, I was crying pretty good. My DH had just been back on the road for about 2 shifts since he was okayed by the doctors after his motorcycle accident. But as I cried, I prayed and just asked God to cover him like he always does and to bring him home to us ever shift bc he needs to meet his little boy soon. And it was pretty amazing to have people check in on me. I got calls and text to make sure I was okay and to pray over my DH. The funny thing is, at least I thought so, with all of this being a "race thing" everyone who checked on me was black. It just goes to show you that this really isn't a race thing. It's a media thing, it's an education thing, it's a culture thing. I really want people to think about this. How many of you know someone who was shot by a police officer? Now how many of you know someone who was shot by another person? Better yet, how many of you know someone who got in a fight us in another weapon or just their hands? If people actually asked themselves these questions, we would see we don't have a police brutality problem, we do not have a gun problem, we do not have a race vs race problem... We have a media problem making it look this way, we have a culture problem that this younger generation doesn't fee they need to work to get what they want just take it, we have a culture problem where it's okay to "spread your legs" and when a child comes from it not take responsibility in raising them! 

Okay I think my rant is over, now for the fun stuff! ONLY 2 MORE WEEKS TILL MY DUE DATE!!! I just can't wait to meet our little boy. It's crazy how he can already have so much personality in th womb. I don't think he is going to be a baby to be swaddled bc he is already trying to stretch out all the time! And how he knows our voices! My DH sings on the church praise team when he gets Sunday's off and last week he had a beautiful solo. Right away when he started singing, our little guy started moving all around. It was such an exciting thing to see/feel. We did decided on doing a "Chp-ish" theme for his nursery, focusing more on the blue and gold colors. Then my mother in law found a CHP designed fabric and now he actually has a pillow and quilt with it on it! We recently realized that his due date is the CHP anniversary so it really fits perfectly. Poor kid is going to be born to be a Chippy. But we are proud to be a part of this CHP family and even more so the whole Blue Line family too! 

Crazy shift

So I wrote this on 9/14/15 and never actually posted it! So here ya go :)

So last Thursday's shift was my first experience of freak out. LOL One thing I learned way before becoming an officer's wife is that the news is pretty much all negative so I don't watch. But I do follow the local stations because I do like to know what is going on in the area. So last Thursday I was relaxing getting ready to netflix the night away since my husband was working but before I did that was checking Facebook one last time. The headline I saw was "Pursuit in Whittier". Well I know that Whittier is one of their areas so first thing I do is search for him on "Find my friend". (best app ever btw for a LEO wife lol) He happened to be in Whittier too. So I am freaking out and trying to turn the TV on to see what is going on. Good thing is when I finally found it on TV it had ended in Downey so I at least had a bit of relief when I knew he wasn't in the area. So I just text him, told him I loved him and to be careful out there. I got to go to bed, calmly which was nice.

The next morning our dog woke me up (normally does when he his my husband come home) so I was waiting to hear the door open but after a few minutes and not hearing anything I decided to check my phone to see what time it was it and it was almost 7am. He gets off at 5:30 so he is normally home no later than 6:30 unless something happens end of shift. I wasn't too worried but I did have a text from my mom "Call me when you wake up". That's it. No good morning, no how are you doing.. just call me. So something was wrong but I wasn't awake enough to deal with it. So I got on good old FB and, again, headline "CHP officer shot at traffic stop". Well that woke me up! I was up in my bed so fast. I searched for my husband on the app again. Felt like the longest 30 seconds of my life. Saw he was at his office so knew he was okay but pretty shaken by it of course. Kept reading the article I found to make sure the officer was okay. But as I read it all I could keep thinking was if that guy would have just taken the 60 instead of the 10 that would have been my officer. Wow! Just wow! 

Here is an official welcome to the law enforcement family...