FInding a Happy Place

Yesterday would have been a Disneyland day. I know, first world problems, but hear me out.

Where do you go when life just seems too much? Where do you go for a break? Especially when you have young kids. Where is that happy place that can reset you to be a better mom, wife?

Mine is Disneyland. It really is the Happiest Place on Earth for me. It was where we had our first date (downtown Disney), it was where we spent our first year dating/getting to know each other, it was where we got engaged, it was where we spent our honeymoon, it has been where we celebrate our kids birthdays. It is filled with amazing memories, a safe place to be a mom of 2 young kids, and my true happy place.

But since March it has been closed, along with the rest of the world. I have be on "shelter in place" with a 2 and 3 year old. So since this has started, there has not been many breaks. Someone needs something from mama at all times. "Get me a snack", "play with me", "wipe my tushy". On top of laundry, breakfast/lunch/dinner, grocery shopping, clean house. Lets not even add that my 2 year old love to ear piercing scream in excitement, anger, sadness, and every other emotion she has. 

It's not like any of this is new (except now I have 2 "wipe my tushy" instead of 1, potty training) but now the times where I am more than just these things are few and far between. Especially when bigger crimes are happening AND the nation decides to protest police because of the actions of one bad apple. Not only am I not getting a break from handling all at home for at least a little bit when daddy walks through the door, but now lets add worry. anxiety, stress of my husband at work on top of it all. 

I'm officially done. I am wiped out. I am on empty. No matter how much I am reminded of the amazing things God is doing and will continue to do, I am just done.

I miss people. I miss hugs.  I miss park time. I miss watching my littles make friends. I miss going on adventures with my littles. I miss seeing peoples smiles. I miss getting dressed up for date night.(we did get 1 last week!) I miss just going to get ice cream with my family without having to think "do I need a mask? do my kids need masks?". If someone wants to tell me that masks are the new normal I might just have to punch them in the face and share that's my new normal. (okay, not really but it might make me feel better lol)

I guess the hardest part is as things are starting to open and get back to business, things involving children have not and probably won't for awhile. Children are messy, dirty, germy creatures. They are not going to wear masks. They are going to touch everyone and everything. The world doesn't know how to handle that which means they will be on lockdown even longer. Which means SAHMs will be on lockdown even longer. 

So where do we go? How do I find that balance again of enjoying my children and keeping my sanity. Where can they run around safely and it be a mini mental break for mama? Or at least wear them out enough so they nap and give mama a mental break then. (Naptime has been a NIGHTMARE lately). 

And then guilt hits me. If I am feeling this way, how are all my other mamas doing? Why am I too concerned about myself to check in on them? Or anyone else? 

Today, I will be continually work on my kids being okay with playing with just one another instead of asking mama every 5 mins. Today I will try to do the things that need to get done while they are playing instead of hoping an praying for naptime. Today I am not cooking because I don't need to. Today I might actually reach out for help instead of waiting around for someone to offer it. Today I will open my Bible, turn on my music and keep listening to what God has for me. 

Isaiah 41:13

For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. 

Psalm 23 1:5

The LORD is my shepherd; I have what I need. He lets me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside quiet waters. He renews my life; he leads me along the right paths for his name's sake. Even when I go through the darkest valley. I fear no danger, for you are with me; your rod and your staff- they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Matthew 11:28

"Come to me , all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest"

Philippians 4:7

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. 

Frustration is rising

With all that is going on lately, everyone is talking about how to handle it. Anxiety, depression, seperation.. but one thing I haven't seen much about is frustration.

I am happy! I love my life! Nothing has really changed for us during this time except we can't go anywhere. Normally my family is very active. We are out and about. We love adventures. Trying to create adventures at home has been a bit harder. 

I know God is in control. I don't live in fear. I know who is writing my story. I trust the journey we are on. I know He is with me. I feel the peace, the comfort every day. This virus isn't scary to me. It's just part of life. 

But I am FRUSTRATED BEYOND BELIEF and I don't exactly know how to handle it.

I am frustrated that people want to use my Christianity against me when my beliefs are different than them. “You obviously don’t care about people” “That’s not a very Christian way to think”. Especially when it is coming from someone who hasn’t pick up a Bible in who knows when.

I am frustrated that I am considered selfish because I don't want to wear a mask, I refuse to purchase cloth masks for my family, I want life to go back to being out and about and being with people. “I am not going to be the reason someone else gets sick and/or dies” “I hope no one near you gets this virus”. I am like 51% I had the virus when this whole lockdown started, not bronchitis. If that’s the case, I already have the antibodies and I cannot spread it but that can’t be tested so let’s just all stay inside.

I am frustrated that businesses are hurting because he government, not the choice of the people. It’s one thing if a business goes under because people are not going there. It’s another when the government doesn't allow people to go there. We are so blessed to live in a country of choices. We have to teach people to make good choices, not force it on them.

I am frustrated that people are expecting a hand out. Sorry you haven't learned how to prepare for an emergency but maybe that is something we need to re-evaluated when we look at what is required in our education system. Did you create a community around you for help too? I mean this is a great time to really see what we as a community can do for one another, not ask the government to do it for us. This is what makes the church so great because that is exactly what they should create and should be for during a time like this. I am very grateful our new home church is exactly that!

I am frustrated that I don't know how to handle these things like Jesus would. I just want to yell at people and shake them out of this and I know Jesus wouldn't do that. (Although he did yell at people who were not respecting the temple so…) But what would He do? 

So off to search my Bible I go!

Romans 8:28

²⁸ We know that all things work together^[a] for the good^[b] of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose. 

1 Thessalonians 5:18

¹⁸ give thanks in everything; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Proverbs 17:22

A joyful heart is good medicine,
but a broken spirit dries up the bones.

Isaish 26:3

You will keep the mind that is dependent on you
in perfect peace,
for it is trusting in you.

Galatians 5:22-23

²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness, and self-control. The law is not against such things.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not arrogant, 5 is not rude, is not self-seeking, is not irritable, and does not keep a record of wrongs. ⁶ Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth. ⁷ It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Now what to do with this...

Is it awful to say that this doesn't help? But at the same time I know it really does. It's like dealing with toddlers, when something happens I may get quick to anger but my reaction is what shows them Jesus' love. Being able to take a breath, pray and remember that God is working this for good, thank him for this time with my kids and with Him, keeping a joyful heart with a mind on Him, knowing that He is love and will provide my head and heart with all it needs.

I may not always be able to keep my mouth peaceful but I can continue to work on that. It may just be the lesson God has for me through all this. But also remebering that Jesus had times where his button were hit makes me feel normal too. 😉