FInding a Happy Place

Yesterday would have been a Disneyland day. I know, first world problems, but hear me out.

Where do you go when life just seems too much? Where do you go for a break? Especially when you have young kids. Where is that happy place that can reset you to be a better mom, wife?

Mine is Disneyland. It really is the Happiest Place on Earth for me. It was where we had our first date (downtown Disney), it was where we spent our first year dating/getting to know each other, it was where we got engaged, it was where we spent our honeymoon, it has been where we celebrate our kids birthdays. It is filled with amazing memories, a safe place to be a mom of 2 young kids, and my true happy place.

But since March it has been closed, along with the rest of the world. I have be on "shelter in place" with a 2 and 3 year old. So since this has started, there has not been many breaks. Someone needs something from mama at all times. "Get me a snack", "play with me", "wipe my tushy". On top of laundry, breakfast/lunch/dinner, grocery shopping, clean house. Lets not even add that my 2 year old love to ear piercing scream in excitement, anger, sadness, and every other emotion she has. 

It's not like any of this is new (except now I have 2 "wipe my tushy" instead of 1, potty training) but now the times where I am more than just these things are few and far between. Especially when bigger crimes are happening AND the nation decides to protest police because of the actions of one bad apple. Not only am I not getting a break from handling all at home for at least a little bit when daddy walks through the door, but now lets add worry. anxiety, stress of my husband at work on top of it all. 

I'm officially done. I am wiped out. I am on empty. No matter how much I am reminded of the amazing things God is doing and will continue to do, I am just done.

I miss people. I miss hugs.  I miss park time. I miss watching my littles make friends. I miss going on adventures with my littles. I miss seeing peoples smiles. I miss getting dressed up for date night.(we did get 1 last week!) I miss just going to get ice cream with my family without having to think "do I need a mask? do my kids need masks?". If someone wants to tell me that masks are the new normal I might just have to punch them in the face and share that's my new normal. (okay, not really but it might make me feel better lol)

I guess the hardest part is as things are starting to open and get back to business, things involving children have not and probably won't for awhile. Children are messy, dirty, germy creatures. They are not going to wear masks. They are going to touch everyone and everything. The world doesn't know how to handle that which means they will be on lockdown even longer. Which means SAHMs will be on lockdown even longer. 

So where do we go? How do I find that balance again of enjoying my children and keeping my sanity. Where can they run around safely and it be a mini mental break for mama? Or at least wear them out enough so they nap and give mama a mental break then. (Naptime has been a NIGHTMARE lately). 

And then guilt hits me. If I am feeling this way, how are all my other mamas doing? Why am I too concerned about myself to check in on them? Or anyone else? 

Today, I will be continually work on my kids being okay with playing with just one another instead of asking mama every 5 mins. Today I will try to do the things that need to get done while they are playing instead of hoping an praying for naptime. Today I am not cooking because I don't need to. Today I might actually reach out for help instead of waiting around for someone to offer it. Today I will open my Bible, turn on my music and keep listening to what God has for me. 

Isaiah 41:13

For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. 

Psalm 23 1:5

The LORD is my shepherd; I have what I need. He lets me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside quiet waters. He renews my life; he leads me along the right paths for his name's sake. Even when I go through the darkest valley. I fear no danger, for you are with me; your rod and your staff- they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Matthew 11:28

"Come to me , all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest"

Philippians 4:7

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. 

Living for the present instead of the possible

Did anyone else think that January was THE LONGEST MONTH EVER!!!

So in my life, I have 4 birthday in January (kind of 5 if you count my daughter which is Dec 30th so close enough). The holidays don't end on Christmas, they really begin and keep going till February.
And this year even more got added to the January plate... my husbands family was all going to be together, for a week, for the first time since our wedding 6 years ago! Oh yeah, and I decided I wanted to do a Spartan race for the first time with my husband. 🤦🤦

Now for a planner like me, this was a nightmare!!! We had all these "events" but nothing really "planned". I had to let go of so much to just go with the flow of birthdays, family time, meals, children's naps, etc. And guess what? I survived. We all survived. We even had a great month. I wasn't in control of every minute and we all did just fine. Yes, there were some crazy times and my children didn't nap or go to bed like they normally do but we all made it through with some great memories.

• We took my niece to Disneyland for the first time with my kids and everyone had a blast!
• We went to Knotts Berry Farm with my husbands whole family for a day. Our kids got to do something new, bond with their cousins they hardly get to see and we even got to go on a few things too to enjoy time with them as well. 
• We froze our butts off at the beach but I learned how much my children really want to go to the beach more (I hate the beach lol but maybe I need to get over it)
• I did my first Spartan race and I kicked butt! lol I climbed walls and cargo nets, flipped tires and did quiet a few burpees to earn that medal but I did it, with my amazing husband! Honestly, I am kind of addicted now.
• Husband and I went to taping of our favorite show and had so much fun! Even already seen ourselves on TV lol
• I would like to add I read/listened to 2 books! lol I have added reading/listening to audiobooks to my "things to do in 2020" and I am actually doing it! (One, which has lead me to this entry today)

These are things people do in a year, or even years and we did it all in the month on January!!! I was stressed out, wigged out, crazy for most of the month and what for??? If I am always looking 2 steps ahead how can I enjoy what is right in front of me???

The plan for my life was never the SAHM, married to an officer, ideas of homeschooling one day but here we are and yet I am always still looking 2 steps ahead instead of just enjoying the now.

As month 1 of 2020 is over, I am looking forward to month 2 and focusing on the here and now of spending time with my family and hopefully soon friends too! Because life is too short, and quick for us to only focus on whats next and not enjoy time with one another and show God's love and grace to one another. 

Proverbs 3:1-6 CSB

1My son, don’t forget my teaching,

but let your heart keep my commands;

2for they will bring you

many days, a full life, and well-being.

3Never let loyalty and faithfulness leave you.

Tie them around your neck;

write them on the tablet of your heart.

4Then you will find favor and high regard

with God and people.

5Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

and do not rely on your own understanding;

6in all your ways know him,

and he will make your paths straight.

Below are a few resources I love and the books I have read so far. Check them out
Books
Right Side of History
Everything Happens for a Reason

Resources
Libby- app for library ebooks/audiobooks FREE
Hoopla- another app for library ebooks/audiobooks FREE
Emory Lane- bc I love supporting small businesses and I live in these shirts lol

2020 Vision

Since it is the theme of EVERYTHING, might as well use it too. But to have a clear vision, we must first look back.
2019- If you ask me, this year was probably one of the biggest growth years our family has had. The stress it was to get through our first year with 2 kids was so much on me personally and our marriage in 2018 that 2019 meant we got to reconnect and rebalance our family. The decision to change churches was also a huge step that created so much joy and peace throughout the year as well. And I got to focus and figure out myself and reconnect my personal faith again. God showed us to much grace and love this last year and I am hoping it with just grow from here.

So what does 2020 look like for this CHP family?
I’m hoping it looks like my husband getting to venture into new avenues in the department and new trainings because this is a great time for him to do so. If your husband has opportunities to add to his resume, make sure you can support him in those as much as possible! For a family in so cal, him doing trainings up north isn’t always ideal but they can be great connections made, ideas learned and even fun family adventures if you have the means to do that with him.

For our family?
I am hoping to get more organized with the idea of homeschooling these littles one day. By starting now with toddler activities and preschool lessons to get my head wrapped around what it would look like.
Maybe a move? Maybe a remodel? Maybe an addition? (In more ways than one) Only God knows those answers but we are opening our hearts and minds for what He does have planned for us this year and going to take it day by day, step by step knowing He has the best plans laid out for us if we just continue to walk with Him. Trusting he has made us just for this journey.

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:33‬ ‭CSB‬‬

So here is to 2020! May it be a blessed one for you and yours!

Surround yourself with Gratefulness

As we head into the holidays, it always is a hard time for some and a joyous time for others. I like to remind myself (and others, if I can) that whatever we surround ourselves with is what we will be. The people we are around, the topics we discuss, the music we listen to, the tv we watch, the books we read. Raising little humans with a LEO can put me in a very negative spot by the end of the day. Like my husband being “on call” because California is up in flames and they may need him somewhere. Or getting court on a day off that you have had something special planned for like a month. My child(ren) can go all day misbehaving, not listening to a single thing I have to say. My husband can have a rough day of feeling inadequate and unappreciated. I am just suppose to hold it all together for them.  But you know what, most days I can because I prepare myself to do just that.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 ¹⁶Rejoice always, ¹⁷pray continually, ¹⁸give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

I find myself in my Bible more and more. Reading/listening to more books/podcast about the Bible and living a Christian life. The music that is on is either Christian or Country (really what's the difference lol). The news is the last thing I watch. I have to have my head and my heart in the right place to be the Christ-driven mom and the wife I need to be for my family

Now by all means I am far, far, FAR from perfect! But I have so much to be grateful for that I want to make sure I am living a life worthy of what I have been given. And with life's daily struggles we can get caught up in, it can be very hard to get ourselves out and remember just how truly blessed we are.

So here is what I am going to do. I am starting a gratitude journal so that every night I can remember just how much God is blessing over this family for the next 30 days and hopefully from there on out. So I want to challenge you to do the same! Now I am a very visual person so I search online and found a great 30 prompting I can follow the next month. I found this one at Picking Daisies Blog

Hopefully by Dec 1st I can share the difference it has made for me and my family these next 30 days.

Lets talk money!

Something that I feel I see A LOT on social media is how people are just waiting for pay day, especially in the LEO world. My husband gets paid once a money so, honestly, we have to be smart about how we manage our money to make sure it last all month long. The thing that gets me is that we have never had a problem living on just his income. When we got married and we discussed our finances, we decided we would "live" on his paycheck and whatever I brought in would be our family fun money (basically just extra). And we chose to live like that from day 1 so every time he got a raise (they get a raise the first 3 years I think 🤔) we would act like it wasn't there and put it away. Then child #1 came and we were still doing good. The child #2 came and we decided I should stay home and I got really scared really quick! But after a year of it we have done just fine once again and I would say even better now that I am learning how to save here and there and that is what I want to share today. 

We pretty much put $500-1000 into our savings every month, just on his income alone! I know things will change as the kids get older and do more things but I don't think it should be as stressful as "eating top ramen" for the last few days of the month. Now I am no financial person but I know how to handle my money and handle it well enough to have our fun but make sure we don't go into debt doing it. So here are a few tips...

1. TITHE!!! Give back what God has given you. All He asks for is 10%. This was the hardest thing me first because I always felt like "well I need that money for x,y,z…" but once I truly let go and let God by thanking Him for what we were blessed with it has always felt like an abundance. 
2. "Live" paycheck to paycheck. Now what I mean by this is the moment the paycheck comes in, I put whatever was left in the checking account into the savings account. We live on what he brings in a month. If we need to do any big purchases or tap into that we can of course but I am not going to keep it in the checking for us to see "oh we have plenty of money, lets splurge". It makes us more conscious of our monthly spending.
3. Know your monthly expenses. Mortgage, gas/water/electric/trash bills, cell phone, internet/cable, IRAs/529 plans, and whatever else you pay for monthly should be mapped out so you know how much you have left for groceries, date nights, outings, shopping, etc. 
4. Grocery shopping online. Now this may not work for everyone but it has been HUGE for us. Pavilions (vons, safeway, Albertsons) has delivery. Your first delivery is FREE and $20 off of $100! After that, I get that same coupon every other week if not every week. This makes things so easy for me. the past 2 months I have spent about $200-225 for the month on groceries! and we pretty much eat at home every night. Not bad for a family of 4. 
5. Money back apps! There are so many ways to get money back from doing shopping you are already doing. It may not be much sometimes, but its better than nothing. I use it to pay for my Starbucks, Amazon, and Stitch Fix habit lol. Here are a few I love and use regularly. Ebates for shopping all different stores online and in store for a few places too. They even have money back for my online grocery shopping! Ibotta also online shopping but more in store options for specific brands. Checkout 51 Fetch rewards Dosh

And always, always, ALWAYS be honest with the spending. People think it is weird that my husband and I ask before even spending like $30-$50 on something for ourselves or the house. We are open and honest about our spending and just want the other to know it. It’s even more of a game when your savers like us and it’s like “guess the deal I just found on xyz...”. In this life as  LEO family, there is so much you can be stressed out about, money shouldn’t be one of them.

““Therefore I tell you: Don’t worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Isn’t life more than food and the body more than clothing?”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:25‬ ‭CSB‬‬

5 years down!

How has it been almost another year since I have been able to sit down and write???

HOW HAS 5 YEARS GONE BY SINCE MY HUSBAND GRADUATED THE ACADEMY???

This past year has been big in giving me insight for the future. I really want to focus myself and my family on what is important and that's God and each other. Maybe its all the negativity in the world or just all that is shared in the media and social media, but I want everything I say and do to be making people better/happy/inspired/encouraged. I also want to share God's word more and have more confidence in what I am sharing. So hopefully I will have more time to share how this CHP wife and SAHM mom of 2 really looks when you live a life truly of Faith over Fear.

It's almost been a year since my husband has moved to an office position and I LOVE IT! I am a very schedule/organized person. Now that my husbands schedule is consistent, I can plan dinner (almost) every night, outings over his weekend, DATE NIGHTS! This is also really great the little ones because they know daddy will be home for dinner (for the most part). They know daddy will play with them over the weekend. I really hope that through the negotiations (that will hopefully start again soon) they can come up with something that helps create consistency for all officers. It can honestly be a 180 for a family if they can make it work.

But lets go back to the idea of date night for today. Especially with having 2 little ones, I noticed that we were not focused on us. I mean why do new need to be? We are married. I already got him, right? 😉 I mean we are both exhausted from the day (between work and the kids). Not having the energy for each other is understandable. But its not okay and I was really feeling it and I know he was too. So for Valentines day I bought us some reading lol. It's called Fierce Marriage and they also wrote 2 "devotional" type books call Husband/Wife in Pursuit (perfect title for a LEO couple huh, even though it has nothing to do with that). This is probably one of the best things we have done for our marriage. Now you don't have to be "falling apart" to decided to do something like this. We have a pretty strong marriage. We just have been getting caught up in everything else that we were forgetting about the other which is so easy to do, especially in his line of work. Finding the balance of letting him have his time to wind down from work and being there for me and the kids is hard. So we started reading these devotional and we actually had to stop on day 10 of 31 because we were spending so much focus on each other it was a little exhausting lol. But just in those 10 days it refocused us back on each other and what the other one does ourselves, for our family and our walk with Christ. Even though I am almost always a crazy ball of hormones thanks to birth control it feels like, we have a lot more understanding and patience with each other and spending that time we need too with each other. Again, we are not perfect, nor will we ever be but we sure can strive to be a better couple pursuing one another while we pursue God more.

1 John 4:18 ¹⁸There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

So don't forget to keep dating! There is no reason that this profession should have a higher divorce rate if we are both in it for the long haul, able and willing to purse one another!

Faith over fear

I really wish I had more time to get to write here. But I really am going to try to make more of an effort.
Life update: our little family has grown and we now have a beautiful daughter! We are currently raising 2 under 2. Never thought I would say that but so far so good! I have stepped back from teaching to raise these amazing children (something I want to talk about later) but still do my at home beauty business because I need it for me and it’s good family fun money, everyone should have a side at home business!

Faith over Fear
Those are words I have strived for my whole life. I may not have lived in a bible quoting Christian family but my parents did teach me this and remind me all the time. This chapter in my life could have fear written all over it. So much hate is going towards law enforcement, raising 2 children under the age of 2 and still keeping my sanity, lol, choosing to live on one income. These are all things that would/could make people fearful everyday.

“for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭1:7‬ ‭ESV‬‬
Starting with the kids and the job. When I found out my little girl was on her way I was in a panic. I had my hands full with my son, how was I ever going to be able to handle 2! And with a job? I refuse to ask my parents or in laws to raise my kids. They raised us. Watching them occasionally, of course! They love it! But everyday? multiple times a week? No way. And there is also no way I would pay for child care. What’s the point of working if that’s all it is paying for? If we are going to have kids, we are going to raise them. If we can’t do that with both of us working, then it’s time for this momma to focus on the family. So not only am I freaking out about adding another, now I am going to leave my job, this program that I have built for 5 years, not knowing if I will ever be able to come back. Fear just overwhelmed me of being “stuck” at home. But God always knows what he is doing. And focusing on this verse and thinking of the positives all of this was going to bring. How powerful it will be to raise my kids myself. To have that impact on them. The love that is going to grow in this family by being able to strictly focus on my family. And teaching me self control when it comes to being a part of so many things outside my family. In today’s day, women are told they can do anything but because of this we do everything! I do believe that women can do anything but we don’t need to to it all. I was working (teaching & my business), I was volunteering, I was trying to be the perfect mom and wife and honestly pretty exhausted at everything. God brought my daughter into my life to refocus on what matters and help me find this self control.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”
‭‭John‬ ‭14:27‬ ‭ESV‬
It has been a harder time that ever to be a LEO wife (spouse). There are people out there that just want to hurt my husband because of what he chooses to do for a live for his family. The idea is scary to think of, especially with 2 little ones now. As we have another fallen officer, I can’t help but think “what if” at times. How in the world would we manage? But I know that is just the devil getting into my head. God gave my husband this drive, this passion to be a CHP Officer. As his wife, I fully support him and his career. I more than support, I am so proud to be a LEO wife. He does what people wouldn’t dare to do. And I have peace that God is with him every time he puts on that uniform , puts on that badge, drives those roads. I cannot be afraid or I will never make it through this life. So I pray, I read, I study and I know God’s peace within as we go through this journey.

What got me to think through all this is a new shirt I bought on Southern Charm Designs. I absolutely love her stuff! She focuses on first responders designs so I have a few different Thin Blue Line things but this past purchase has been my favorite.

Everyone needs to check out her stuff and fall in love too!

Hope this encourages you today!

Rolling with the punches

So it seems like life is throwing a few curve balls our way lately...
1. The surprise of our daughter coming this December.
2. CHP getting rid of 12 hour shifts as of Jan 1, 2018, and the state only allowing 8 or 9 hour shifts till they can figure out this 10 hour thing.

If it was just one or the other I think I would be able to manage a lot better but both at the same time is really making things hard! I currently work as a part time high school teacher. It is awesome! I only work 2x a week and I get to do what I love (outside from being a wife and mom of course). This works perfect with my husbands schedule. Hes on 3, off 4 or on 4 off 3 and we just make sure that days he has off are the days I teach. Perfect right?

Now I knew I was going to take 6 months off when my daughter is born. Taking care of 2 under 2 does not sound easy and I want to get as adjusted as I can. But now with the changes I feel like life after Jan 1st is completely up in the air. If his office is going to 8 hours, that means working 5 days a week. There is no way I will be able to work. I am not sending my kids to day care just so I can pay for it teaching. That makes no sense. And honestly my husband and I already decided that we wanted to raise our children. We are blessed to live perfectly comfortable on his income that there is no reason we should be having someone else influence our children so early on. But I am so torn! I love being mommy! It is really the best feeling in the world but it really is the hardest job ever. Being a teacher gives me a break from mom to remember I am something else. Although my commute is awful, its a really great feeling. The idea of not coming back to it for longer than 6 months has me feeling so stuck.

Maybe it is because so much is still all up in the air with them trying to decide if they are really going to let them do 10s and if my husbands office is going to choose that too. I just really wish someone would make a decision already so I can move forward with things! I am such a planner and life after Jan 1st so not decided and it's making me crazy!


So I keep trying to recite this verse in my head
Jeremiah 29:11 11For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I know that God has great plans for this family, and for me specifically. I just have to be all trusting in what lies ahead knowing that He has it. Actually, yesterday my pastor was talking about this too and used the analogy of a parade. When you are there you only see float by float but God is overhead and can see the whole things and knows exactly what you are in for. Thought this was such a great visual. I have to stay excited for the next float that is coming our way. This float has been great but what could be next?

The American Dream

So I want to get back to writing again. I have seen so many complain about the life of a LEO wife/family and I find it quite annoying. LOL Yes this life has many ups and downs. But the one thing I always go back to is I chose this life just as much as he did. I knew my husband wanted to be an officer of some kind when we were dating many years ago. So it wasn't a surprise when he got into the CHP. I knew what we were getting into. I knew it wasn't going to be all roses and rainbows. I knew he would miss holidays and family events. I knew that he could get called to court with days notice. I knew he wasn't going to be off work right on time after every shift. I'm not saying it's easy, AT ALL, but I'm saying I knew what to expect (somewhat) before he accepted the position and we said "I do".  If I was not willing to do this life, I would have walked away but I love my husband and was ready for the journey God had for us and our family. So I really hate to say it but "suck it up buttercup!" It's a journey that will have you laughing, crying, screaming, and loving every step of the way.

So I want to continue this blog to share our ups and downs and share that we are getting through it. And even better we are thriving through it. So it's been a year since I have written anything and life is really crazy beautiful! We now have an adorable 11 month old son, W, who has just changed our world for the better. But even more now, we are 17 weeks pregnant with our 2nd!!! It took so long for us to get pregnant with W I never imagined God would bless us with another one so quickly! We are so excited for our little Christmas miracle coming. So here we are, the Officer and the Teacher, almost 2 kids, a cat & dog, homeowners, almost debt free from college... seriously the American Dream. I hate to say that sometimes but then again we have worked hard to get where we are and are trusting and praising God every step of the way! This LEO family life has blessed us so much to be where we are. Again, not saying I am not pissed when he gets a late accident and I am doing dinner, playtime, bathtime and bed all on my own while pregnant. But when he does get off on time and walks through that door safely another day and W yells "dads" with a huge smile on his face, every bit of the downs are 100% worth it! So stay positive, stay humble, stay happy even when it's hard because it will get better and it will be worth it!

Edited:
I wrote this before church this morning yet I felt like my pastor was speaking exactly how I was feeling about this! So here are my notes from service because it goes so well and having God's word through this life is exactly what we need!

Hebrews 12:1-2 NKJV

“Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

1. Resilient people practice self control- 2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV- “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” Resilient people have a plan, and have a contingency plan... and so on. Get a grip, plan ahead and move on with their lives. Everything does not come easily! "I was not born with a silver spoon, but I had a spoon"- Pastor. You have to plug in to get it. The longer we push the limits, the stronger our faith becomes. 

When life give you lemons

I have to say I live a pretty basic, normally, busy life. Not only being a CHP wife, a mom to be, part time high school teacher, Mary Kay beauty consultant, board member a chapter of Soroptimist International. I have a pretty good routine I am in too, especially with my husband still on desk duty (i'll explain later) but overall I think I handle it pretty well. Except for last week... last week, by Sunday I believe I was allowed to give up just for a little bit. I don't want to bore you guys with every last detail of it but to hit some major points

• Monday- left work computer at home so everything else that day just decided it didn't want to work. Seriously, every class had something wrong. 
• Tuesday- horrible indigestion and exhaustion... looks like 3rd trimester is welcoming me with all kinds of symptoms.
• Wednesday- We had an attempted suicide by a student, craziest thing I have ever been a part of
• Thursday- Glucose tolerance testing, no profit Mary Kay event.. just a long day
• Friday- meetings at work, trying to get a hold of someone to explain my glucose testing for like 2 hours
• Saturday- fun but not so profitable Mary Kay event, then my alternator in my car decided to die
• Sunday- my last living grandparent, my Dad's dad, passed away

So I am very happy it is Monday... new month... new week!

Back to my husbands hand now. We went back to the doctors about 2 weeks ago and they took off the cast! (Don't get excited yet) Did more x-rays only to find out it is still not healed. Back on a new cast goes. For another 4 weeks! We were told that the bone that is broken doesn't get great blood circulation which causes healing to be slower. :( But whatever needs to be done to get this healed properly. Again, his office has been so understanding, keeping him busy working with accident investigations which he is really enjoying. As much as it sucks that we ere hoping to rock some OT right now and have a nice chunk of change but aside for baby expenses, but that must not be God's plan. We are always able to save just on our paychecks anyway so maybe God is trying to get us to realize that we are just fine where we are. :)

So today I choose to be positive, like I did last week at least up until Sunday, and remember how blessed we are right now and take each day as it comes! :)

2016 is going to be a great one!

Man... When God has a plan there is no stopping it! 

Like always, lets begin CHP. Nothing too exciting recently which is just fine with us. Hubby has decided he is going to rethink the motor thing. As long as he is happy I am happy, and of course happier when I feel he is safer. But we got a pretty awesome schedule this quarter, Thursday-Saturday off. Yes, we have a weekend off! This just shows you how easy it is to have numbers at an LA office like this. Since I teach Monday's and Wednesday's we are getting so much time together which is really nice. Especially with all that's is going on.

That being said guess it time for big news... WE'RE PREGNANT!!! Seriously just as we have extra space in our new home, we don't have to think too long what to do with that extra room. So far I am 10 weeks along and oh so enjoying being nauseous all the time and trying to keep food down, and needing to pee 2-3 times throughout the night.. not! But if this is what is needed of me for this little one to be okay then I am so in. I could use a little less but hopefully in a few weeks that will happen. 

So there is going to be a lot more about how much I love/hate this life while being pregnant lol. So far, very happy! We have an awesome support from our CHP family and can't wait to see what the next few month will bring.

A great part about this job

I have to say, being a part of the CHP family really is pretty awesome. Yes it can be dangerous and the paperwork for them at times is very overwhelming but overall my husband LOVES his job and I am right there with him.

But I do have to the the best part about his job, at least in my books at the moment, is OT! We are very blessed to be able to live on his paycheck alone (even though I choose to still work, I love to work lol) But when we need extra money there is almost always OT. Now I know this is not the situation at most offices, another reason why I love being in a LA office. Right now we are going through escrow to purchase our first home. My husband is just a little freaked out that all our money is going to the down payment and closing cost (which most is, for sure) so what does he do? He picks up a few OT shifts. Just in the past 2 days he has 17 hours of OT. It is really nice to know that when it comes down to it and we need more money for something we want there is a way to get it.

We were really hesitant about working OT because so many talk about how you can get use to working it and that money always coming in so you start living the life where you need that OT instead of it just being extra. Plus we really value our time together and when we don't have a full day together it really through us. Honestly, he has only worked like 5 OT shifts in the past 2 years on and many people work way more than that. But the good part about that right now is that that make his the top person on the list now that he actually wants the OT.

Also, there are many different types of OT. He has done a DUI detail which means his own job that nigh is to pull over people in the area he thinks are DUI. He has had "construction" details like now the I-5 has major construction going on so they need officers to sit at the site and make sure dumb people don't drive into their closed off ramp. Or "freeway cleanup" detail and they need an officer to make sure everyone is doing their community service. So even though he may be working 5 days in a row with just 1 day off to go back at it, those OT shifts are not crazy and come be a blessing for him to get some reports finished before he goes back for his normal shifts.

So yeah for OT, boo for less time together but its only temporary and it will make this moving process to our NEW HOME that much better!

Can't wait to share with you guys next week because he has his first trainee this weekend for the next month! Bring on the new boots!

Let C watch begin!

So this has been an exciting week. First, I grew up playing soccer so I am absolutely loving watching the US women's national team rock it at the World Cup! But the excitement gets me too excited to get back into my "glory days" shape even though I am far from it. So Tuesday after watching the awesome semifinals game I was pretty pumped to work out but we didn't feel like going to the gym. When that's the case we just workout at home, husband lifts weights and I play "Just Dance". Random, I know, but it is such a workout and so much fun. Well husband was done with his workout and checking on how I was doing when I went took a wrong step and "POP" is all we heard and down I went. So an ER trip and 2 hours later I have a lovely boot.

As you can see it is my right foot which means I cannot drive and I will be wearing this for at least 2 weeks. Good thing I have an awesome husband he painted my toes and drives me to work (good thing I work weekdays and he works weekends, who thought I would ever been happy about that)

Speaking of his work, he started C watch this weekend... Of course the lovely holiday weekend. First night out of course he arrested a DUI. Tonight they are betting on at least 2. Can't wait to hear the stories when he gets off. Crazy to think there are that many idiots on the road. Makes me happy that I can't drive right now I guess. But not. Having my husband next to me when I go to sleep is awhile new issue. Last year he did like 2 shifts on graves and I use to watch tv to fall asleep but I had been having sleep issues so we prayed on it and stopped that about 6 months ago now. So last night I woke up to every little sound possible. Luckily the husband was home at early enough to sleep a little more comfortably with him next to me for about 3 hours.

But here I am on this great holiday where everyone is outside, BBQing with friends and family... I'm inside watching netflix because I can't drive to those places. Yes my parents offered to pick me up to celebrate with them but, honestly, I am really surprised no one else did. I did have one friend offer to come spend time with me this week which is amazing because again no one else has. I thought people knew me. I am not great at just sitting around doing nothing. Don't get me wrong, today I didn't have to get dress, do my hair or my makeup and it was kind of awesome! But I'm always busy, always moving... Have a fitbit to make sure I get moving more. I did have one friend ask me to go dancing, does that count? Lol anyway, hopefully when we have kids we will bond with other families. This age kind of sucks because everyone is in such different places in life. 

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7 NIV)

This was my verse of the day today and I think it fits quite well. God doesn't want us to be scared or timid or even frustrated. God gives us our strength, our power to get through all we are going through. He gives us love, even when we feel like no one else is there. So even through I sit here, inside on the 4th of July, ankle in a boot and netflix on the tv... I know this too shall pass, my ankle will heal, c watch will be over, friends will come (and go) but it's nothing to stress over or worry about. It's just a part of our story. 

Deaths, Births.... it's all a part of life...

These past 2 weeks has been challenging ones. In the matter of about 36 hours I had a friend of mine pas away suddenly and another friend bring her life into the world with her son. Talk about a roller coaster ride of emotions. 

This friend of mine was one of the sweetest guys I have ever had the privilege of getting to know. The hardest part for me was the last time  had a chance to really get to talk to him. We had meet about 5 years ago and hung out a lot over that first year or two. But like many friendship, life happens, we get busy and we don't make the same time for people. Every now and then we were comment on FB just to stay connected. The shock of his lost hit me like I had never felt before. But at the same time I had this very strange sense of peace


John 14:1-4 “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.”



I know he had an amazing heart. I know that God had his own plans for us and honestly maybe he used this loss for many of us to open our eyes and remember what is important and to reconnect those of us who had become too busy. Either way he is a guy who will always be remembered and I know he is just smiling down on us for making sure we celebrated his life the way he wanted us to. 

The day after I found out about his death was probably the hardest because I had to just go on like nothing ever happened and my heart just wasn't ready yet. But when I was feeling my saddest, I got to see the best picture, my friend had just given birth to her amazing handsome new son. From a heart filled with sorrow to a heart so overfilled with love and excitement for this new chapter in their lives and to be so blessed to be sharing in their excitement.  

Romans 8:26-28 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[i] have been called according to his purpose. 

These verses seemed to fit this whole ride all into a few verses. Weakness was the best way to put how I felt. Or maybe helpless. And I had no idea what to say to God. I was praying but I felt like all I could do was ask question after question waiting for answers. Here is that answer, Its all God's will. For me, maybe I needed to feel that loss to remember how amazing and blessed we are, especially when new life is brought. Holding that 6 day old little boy was one of the most amazing feelings! This little God given miracle, who knows what is in store for him, Knowing that God has a plan and we are to enjoy each and every day we are given because we have no idea when it is our time to be called back home. 

"Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth." 

I have no idea where this saying started or if that is even the right way to put it but they kept saying it at his celebration of life. This friend lived and loved like every day was his last. Maybe he knew something all of us didn't. Maybe I am over thinking all of it. But most of all I hope me being able to talk out all of these feelings helps someone else in the process of life and loss. We have an amazing God and we may not always understand all that is going on but He will always take us where we need to go. 

5 

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight

What's next for me?

Okay so the first year is over and he is on to the next thing but what about me? Well, being 27, having a pretty successful business, a successful teacher career as well and a very happy and fulfilling marriage with an amazingly Godly man who just loves his career too. Everyone seems to think there is just one thing left to do... have babies!

I think I have been pulled into this trap of feeling so underachieving since we haven't yet. People keep asking about it... I even had 2 people at church touch my belly and start asking questions. Do I look pregnant? How is this okay??? This is seriously something I have no control over and there is so much expectation for it. Believe me if I could just snap my fingers and do it I would but God has his own plan. I don't know how to tell people to leave it alone until we say that it is time. All it seems to do is create this worry, anxiousness and inadequacy in me which is not good at all.

Yesterday I pretty much had an emotional breakdown about it all. I just started crying out of nowhere and couldn't stop it either. Completely freaking out my husband of course. We had such a great dinner and we get home and ready for bed when I just roll over and cry. I was just filled with so much emotion over "why is this not happening?" and "can I even handle it when the time come?" and so much more kept going through my head. After of 30 minutes of fighting my husband not wanting to talk about it, he just started praying over me. Seriously, there is nothing better in the world than having such an amazing man of God as my partner in life. And of course he said exactly what I needed to hear and that is when everything came out like a flood!

"Why is this taking so long?"
"What if something is wrong?"
"People have 'accidents' all the time, why is it when some try it takes forever?"
"Why can other people just get it right the first time?"
"What if I can't handle it?"
"Are we really ready?"
"Why do I want this so bad?"
"Why do I feel like God is playing with my emotions?"
"What else can we do?"
"Is there something I am missing?"

Being at peace with something you have no control over is probably the hardest things ever. But like I have said before I believe I am a strong woman of God. Most of the time I am at peace with all that is going on in life and can just go with the flow. But we are all human and my human side loves to remind me how crazy life can be and throw me into some awful emotional states. But one of my favorite verses that always plays in my head during those times is
Philippians 4:13 "I Can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"

So today I decided to open up and read what leads up to this verse and God was really trying to show me peace...
10 I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me.Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Wow! Being content is really where is all begins. If I am content with my family and my life the way it is, God will continue to bless me and my family. He hasn't failed me, what makes me worry like he would now?

So basically I hope someone learns something from all of this, other than just me of course, (Which this is amazing therapeutic! If you have never blogged yourself, you should try it. You can talk yourself through a lot and maybe help others too)
-If you know if a couple who is "trying" leave them alone about it. Stop asking. Stop bringing it up. When it happens, they will be more than happy to share the big news. I
-If you are going through it yourself, remember God has amazing plans for you and it is REALLY hard sometimes to just relax and enjoy the journey He has when you want something so exciting. Be happy, content and at peace about as much as you can.
-Its okay to be human and breakdown, just remember to fallback on the one who love you and can lead you back to your true peace in God. :)

A full year as an officer... so far a success!

I read this article the other day (8 tips for being a successful police family) and it made me what to share my opinion about everything they said and how we have decided on these topics. In just 10 short days my DH will officially be an officer for a full year! It really is crazy how time flies! and how much things can change in just a year. So here is their list and how I have related that to our lives this past year.

1. Talk about how much you want to share about the job

We have really had to work through this one. I have heard many different things from many different families and I wanted to be the most supportive wife I could be but I also have to think about my head/heart too. For the most part I let my husband share as much as he wants. He loves calling me on his way home from work and sharing all his stories with me. Even some that I wish he wouldn't and when they go a little far for me I just let him know so he can make a mental note about it. The one things I do have him keep to himself these days is his motor training. Becoming a motor officer is a great privilege and I am very excited about him doing this but at the same time I am a bit scared to death! So I have shared that while he is in training for it I don't want to know. When he passes all the test to actually become a motor officer then I will be more open to hearing motor stories, hopefully. :)

2. Discuss with whom you will share the knowledge of his/her police status

Now this is a topic we have been trying to figure out still. When he first got home last year, we had decided that only family, church family and close friends would know. But that changed pretty quick. I have a home business and so my customers would be coming to our home and being able to see his war bag, maybe a uniform so we decided I could share with them if they asked. Then we had a crazy incident happen right outside our home where DH needed to be "officer" so a few neighbors found out or told us they already knew since they saw him taking his uniforms and war bag in and out of the house. So now we really don't worry about it. We are a very faith-based family so if we feel it is okay then we share, if not we just say "work for the state". 

3. Decide how much off-duty work is permissible. 

Let just say this topic is for both of us. Being a teacher (and last year working on building a new curriculum) I bring work home occasionally. But working from home, I can be working all of the time. So we have an agreement, if one person is working then the other can. So when I am at school I assume he is getting his reports done if he did not finish them at his work days. Now I really try not to work my business on our days off together but sometimes I have to make deliveries and so most of the time we do them together and we will grab lunch or dinner out while we do so. Honestly, as long as you make sure you create time for each other and time for family you do not worry about how much time a part (working) you have. Make the time you have together really count! 

4. Have an off-duty carry plan

Now this was a whole new idea for me. I never grew up familiar with guns. and the idea that he would be carrying one all the time was scary at first. But I chose to educate myself and prepare myself. We go to the range together so that I know how to use it and feel comfortable around it and other guns. But when it comes to a "plan" if he had to use it, we actually have never really talked about it. I mean we have probably joked about it now and then and mentioned something quick but never an actual plan. This is probably because we do not have kids yet but a plan of action is something that is needed and should be talked about. 

5. Get used to unusual hours / going to events on your own

I learned this one really quick. And honestly it wasn't a problem at all. I knew what I was getting into when I married him. I knew he would miss holidays, birthday, events... and I am okay with all of that because he has a career he loves! What you have to get use to is the people always asking where he is. I mean if he is not with me at this lovely event where do you think he is??? LOL So get use to saying it over and over at the event and don't let anyone burst your bubble and make you feel sad about it. He has an amazing career and we have an amazing life together. May not be the norm but its our journey/adventure and I wouldn't want it any other way!

6. Embrace other police families

I feel so privileged and honored that the CHP organization truly wants us to feel like a family itself. We had a large group of officers from his class go to his specific office so the wives/girlfriends of the group got a chance to get close. This has been fantastic! It is so nice to feel like we have someone going through the same thing and be able to discuss our frustration with someone other than our other half. Also, recently our office has had a wives get together, again to we have people to talk to and go to when we are struggling adjusting to this new life. I couldn't be more happy about feeling like I have people to go to and connect with who will actually understand what we are going through because they are going through it too or have already been through it. 

7. Don't be afraid to ask for help

Still working on this one. Even though I said i am very happy about having the people to go to for help, that still doesn't mean I use them. I tend to think I can handle a lot on my own and try to just hide it but more recently I am learning to share my concern and talk it out with other wives or better yet my husband. When he first started I kept thinking to myself "his job is hard enough as it is, he doesn't need my stress on top of it. But we are a family. He can handle me needing help and working with me, he can't handle me crazy and not understanding what is going on. Know it is okay to talk things through with the people God has put in your life and that you husband needs to know it too. 

8. Be confident in the strength of your relationship

Now this is no problem for us at all. Once you go through the academy together and make it through that, you can do anything! LOL We have a very strong foundation in God when it comes to our relationship so when things get through we turn to Him, together and we always find our way through it. We know God has a plan for our lives together and with Him guiding it, we will be just fine. We are learning to just enjoy this crazy, amazing journey he has us on and knowing that we are going through exactly what we need to be to get to where He wants us to be.