Yesterday would have been a Disneyland day. I know, first world problems, but hear me out.
Where do you go when life just seems too much? Where do you go for a break? Especially when you have young kids. Where is that happy place that can reset you to be a better mom, wife?
Mine is Disneyland. It really is the Happiest Place on Earth for me. It was where we had our first date (downtown Disney), it was where we spent our first year dating/getting to know each other, it was where we got engaged, it was where we spent our honeymoon, it has been where we celebrate our kids birthdays. It is filled with amazing memories, a safe place to be a mom of 2 young kids, and my true happy place.
But since March it has been closed, along with the rest of the world. I have be on "shelter in place" with a 2 and 3 year old. So since this has started, there has not been many breaks. Someone needs something from mama at all times. "Get me a snack", "play with me", "wipe my tushy". On top of laundry, breakfast/lunch/dinner, grocery shopping, clean house. Lets not even add that my 2 year old love to ear piercing scream in excitement, anger, sadness, and every other emotion she has.
It's not like any of this is new (except now I have 2 "wipe my tushy" instead of 1, potty training) but now the times where I am more than just these things are few and far between. Especially when bigger crimes are happening AND the nation decides to protest police because of the actions of one bad apple. Not only am I not getting a break from handling all at home for at least a little bit when daddy walks through the door, but now lets add worry. anxiety, stress of my husband at work on top of it all.
I'm officially done. I am wiped out. I am on empty. No matter how much I am reminded of the amazing things God is doing and will continue to do, I am just done.
I miss people. I miss hugs. I miss park time. I miss watching my littles make friends. I miss going on adventures with my littles. I miss seeing peoples smiles. I miss getting dressed up for date night.(we did get 1 last week!) I miss just going to get ice cream with my family without having to think "do I need a mask? do my kids need masks?". If someone wants to tell me that masks are the new normal I might just have to punch them in the face and share that's my new normal. (okay, not really but it might make me feel better lol)
I guess the hardest part is as things are starting to open and get back to business, things involving children have not and probably won't for awhile. Children are messy, dirty, germy creatures. They are not going to wear masks. They are going to touch everyone and everything. The world doesn't know how to handle that which means they will be on lockdown even longer. Which means SAHMs will be on lockdown even longer.
So where do we go? How do I find that balance again of enjoying my children and keeping my sanity. Where can they run around safely and it be a mini mental break for mama? Or at least wear them out enough so they nap and give mama a mental break then. (Naptime has been a NIGHTMARE lately).
And then guilt hits me. If I am feeling this way, how are all my other mamas doing? Why am I too concerned about myself to check in on them? Or anyone else?
Today, I will be continually work on my kids being okay with playing with just one another instead of asking mama every 5 mins. Today I will try to do the things that need to get done while they are playing instead of hoping an praying for naptime. Today I am not cooking because I don't need to. Today I might actually reach out for help instead of waiting around for someone to offer it. Today I will open my Bible, turn on my music and keep listening to what God has for me.
Isaiah 41:13
For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.
Psalm 23 1:5
The LORD is my shepherd; I have what I need. He lets me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside quiet waters. He renews my life; he leads me along the right paths for his name's sake. Even when I go through the darkest valley. I fear no danger, for you are with me; your rod and your staff- they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Matthew 11:28
"Come to me , all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest"
Philippians 4:7
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
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