That quarantine life

Well looking back at my first post of the year seem laughable now.

Hello all! Welcome to April 2020! I have been quarantined with 2 toddlers for 6 weeks now while my husband is an "essential" worker. (Of course, but that's nothing new) 😳

So far, it just feels a bit like "Groundhogs day". What am I going to do today to keep these kids out of trouble? Crafts, games, outside time, ipad time, movies, car rides. Keeping a 2 and 3 year old active and out of trouble but at the same time not just trying to completely entertain them since they need to learn to do that themselves has been good. They actually have had to learn how to play better with each other which is an awesome thing. So good job quarantine, you have taught my kids to play together. 👍

But this mama is losing her mind, one day at a time. My main conversations are with toddlers. Some days my husband forgets that when I am just a chatter box when he gets home. I had to completely breakdown and explain this to him. They don't get it all the time because its just life as normal. He is still going to work, still doing his thing, still chatting with his coworkers. I am lucky if I get a zoom/facetime chat with my friends/family longer than 15 mins bc my toddlers are going nuts with my attention elsewhere.

People rarely understand that when you are a first responder spouse and there is an emergency like this, your family comes together to handle it, my husband leaves his to protect yours. You can say whatever you like about having to work from home now and figuring out your new normal. This is my normal. In fact, I actually saw him less the first 2 weeks because he had to work a few 12-16 hour OT shifts. My normal is I have to handle my family while he has to protect yours. We don't get to come together. We say I love you and stay safe and pray he doesn't bring this home.

The funny thing is, the one thing I have been sure of since the first day of all this... God's got it. I don't feel a bit of anxiety about what is going on in the world. I feel its a wake up call for everyone to find their faith. Find that trust in God. I am actually not too worried about my husband getting sick or getting us sick. This virus doesn't scare me. It has been an amazing thing to see the community that can be created when we are in something together to take care of each other. The amount of love that has been pouring in on our family during this time has been amazing. We were blessed to change churches about a year ago and it was such the right decision for our little family and we especially see it now. We needed a community and they have been so much more than we could have ever prayed for.

So here is to another 4 weeks (at least) of the same old things around here. I mean it is California so God knows we are not opening anything any time soon 😔 But we will keep moving forward. I will keep these little humans alive, educated and entertained. LOL I will kiss my husband goodbye every morning and welcome home every time he walks back through that door. And I cannot wait to hug people again!

For God did not appoint us to wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, ¹⁰ who died for us, so that whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him. ¹¹ Therefore encourage one another and build each other up as you are already doing. 1 Thess 5:9-11

2020 Vision

Since it is the theme of EVERYTHING, might as well use it too. But to have a clear vision, we must first look back.
2019- If you ask me, this year was probably one of the biggest growth years our family has had. The stress it was to get through our first year with 2 kids was so much on me personally and our marriage in 2018 that 2019 meant we got to reconnect and rebalance our family. The decision to change churches was also a huge step that created so much joy and peace throughout the year as well. And I got to focus and figure out myself and reconnect my personal faith again. God showed us to much grace and love this last year and I am hoping it with just grow from here.

So what does 2020 look like for this CHP family?
I’m hoping it looks like my husband getting to venture into new avenues in the department and new trainings because this is a great time for him to do so. If your husband has opportunities to add to his resume, make sure you can support him in those as much as possible! For a family in so cal, him doing trainings up north isn’t always ideal but they can be great connections made, ideas learned and even fun family adventures if you have the means to do that with him.

For our family?
I am hoping to get more organized with the idea of homeschooling these littles one day. By starting now with toddler activities and preschool lessons to get my head wrapped around what it would look like.
Maybe a move? Maybe a remodel? Maybe an addition? (In more ways than one) Only God knows those answers but we are opening our hearts and minds for what He does have planned for us this year and going to take it day by day, step by step knowing He has the best plans laid out for us if we just continue to walk with Him. Trusting he has made us just for this journey.

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:33‬ ‭CSB‬‬

So here is to 2020! May it be a blessed one for you and yours!

Proverbs 31 LEO wife

What a week to decide to have a mindset shift!

Let me start off by saying, C watch families are some strong families!

This past week, command has been hard on my husband about a big case he picked up last year that has still been hanging over his head. All of a sudden it is "why isn't this finished". 🙄 I'm not even going to get into the fact that he shouldn't have had the main handle on this case in the first place. Anyway, a deadline was given and OT was agreed on so basically my husband has been working 7-5, dinner and play with kids till bed time, back to work till about midnight- 1am, all week. Actually, tonight they just decided to stay at work and power through as long as they can.

Now, last week me would be pissed. Last week me would have been exhausted. She would have been angry with the command. She would have been annoyed with her husband leaving her all alone with the kids. Last week, I wouldn't have been able to sleep without him next to me. Last week me probably would have lost it at some point.

But, thankfully, God prepared me, prepared my heart and my mind for this.

The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will not lack anything good.
¹² She rewards him with good, not evil,
all the days of her life.
Proverbs 31:11-12 (CSB)

Being an understanding, supportive wife is so much more as a LEO wife. We are honestly at the mercy of job. When duty calls, we must have their backs. We must not make home life more stressful because we are upset with what is going on at work. And I am not saying that it easy by any means! Daily I am frustrated with the stories my husband comes home with. But my job isn't to fix that. Its to find what my husband needs from me to make it through that and be the best support possible!

And this CHP family life is not that bad people. They make decent money. Enough for us to live on just his income with 2 kids and a morgage, and honestly then some. My job is to raise amazing little humans, which consist of Disneyland trips, library storytimes, children church gatherings, playdates, mom group, time with grammy and papa... all while he is working. Of course there are the tantrums,
fighting, screaming, misbehaving, not eating but God created me to handle all of that, and honestly then some. This life may not be easy but oh is it worth every minute of it!

So tonight I am grateful for a husband that followed his dream to the CHP and provides this family with a life I could only have dreamed of. I know he may have to miss out on a few things here and there to provide it but it will never go unnoticed. It will never be unappreciated. We will keep creating as many amazing memories as we can to make sure daddy is always a part of them. ❤

Surround yourself with Gratefulness

As we head into the holidays, it always is a hard time for some and a joyous time for others. I like to remind myself (and others, if I can) that whatever we surround ourselves with is what we will be. The people we are around, the topics we discuss, the music we listen to, the tv we watch, the books we read. Raising little humans with a LEO can put me in a very negative spot by the end of the day. Like my husband being “on call” because California is up in flames and they may need him somewhere. Or getting court on a day off that you have had something special planned for like a month. My child(ren) can go all day misbehaving, not listening to a single thing I have to say. My husband can have a rough day of feeling inadequate and unappreciated. I am just suppose to hold it all together for them.  But you know what, most days I can because I prepare myself to do just that.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 ¹⁶Rejoice always, ¹⁷pray continually, ¹⁸give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

I find myself in my Bible more and more. Reading/listening to more books/podcast about the Bible and living a Christian life. The music that is on is either Christian or Country (really what's the difference lol). The news is the last thing I watch. I have to have my head and my heart in the right place to be the Christ-driven mom and the wife I need to be for my family

Now by all means I am far, far, FAR from perfect! But I have so much to be grateful for that I want to make sure I am living a life worthy of what I have been given. And with life's daily struggles we can get caught up in, it can be very hard to get ourselves out and remember just how truly blessed we are.

So here is what I am going to do. I am starting a gratitude journal so that every night I can remember just how much God is blessing over this family for the next 30 days and hopefully from there on out. So I want to challenge you to do the same! Now I am a very visual person so I search online and found a great 30 prompting I can follow the next month. I found this one at Picking Daisies Blog

Hopefully by Dec 1st I can share the difference it has made for me and my family these next 30 days.

About last night

Last night my husband got out his class A uniform, made sure his brass was shined enough, extra shined his boots, grabbed his nice hat put it all together for today. This is done when something really good has happened or really bad... unfortunately, he is on his way to a CHP officers memorial.

Last week, while doing a routine traffic stop, a motor officer was shot to death in a crazy freeway shootout. 2 other officers were wounded. If you didn't notice, the word ROUTINE was used. Driver broke a law, officer pulled him over, ran his information and decided the proper action for situation. While the officer was filling out paperwork, the suspect decided he didn't like the outcome and pulled a gun. (that he didn't get legally of course, in case any was wondering 🙄)

It was the first time I was on edge about learning more about the situation and the officers involved. It was the first time my heart sank that maybe it could be someone we know. It was the first time I felt the need to reach out to other wives and make sure everyone else was okay. It was way too close to home.

Last night my husband probably didn't even notice that I was quiet because it was one of the first times I was actually hurting and a bit scared about this job. I am really big on being a strong, supportive LEO wife. I knew what my husband was getting into when he signed up. I knew what I was getting into by marrying him still. So supportive I will always be. Choosing faith over fear is what I always do. But last night, I'm quiet. Last night, I had a pain in stomach and couldn't sleep. Last night, I tried not to cry knowing another wife is having to say goodbye to her husband of only a short time all because some guy didn't like him doing his job.  Last night, my heart truly felt the heaviness of this thin blue line.

Now, of course, this doesn't mean my thoughts of what it means to be a LEO wife have changed. But accepting these thoughts, these feelings and going through them are good. I'm human, and I can't let my emotions get the best of me but I can feel them and I can find the guidance I need to work through them.

Psalm 91

¹ Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
    will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
² This I declare about the Lord:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
    he is my God, and I trust him.
³ For he will rescue you from every trap
    and protect you from deadly disease.
⁴ He will cover you with his feathers.
    He will shelter you with his wings.
    His faithful promises are your armor and protection.
⁵ Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night,
    nor the arrow that flies in the day.
⁶ Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness,
    nor the disaster that strikes at midday.
⁷ Though a thousand fall at your side,
    though ten thousand are dying around you,
    these evils will not touch you.
⁸ Just open your eyes,
    and see how the wicked are punished.

⁹ If you make the Lord your refuge,
    if you make the Most High your shelter,
¹⁰ no evil will conquer you;
    no plague will come near your home.
¹¹ For he will order his angels
    to protect you wherever you go.
¹² They will hold you up with their hands
    so you won’t even hurt your foot on a stone.
¹³ You will trample upon lions and cobras;
    you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!

¹⁴ The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me.
    I will protect those who trust in my name.
¹⁵ When they call on me, I will answer;
    I will be with them in trouble.
    I will rescue and honor them.
¹⁶ I will reward them with a long life
    and give them my salvation.”

So tonight I will laugh with him a little more, hug him a little tighter, kiss a littler longer, and hold on to what we have now. Reality may be setting in but our faith will always get us through it.

Choosing Joy

Lets just put it all out there... the life of an officer's wife can been stressful enough. Now let's add 2 under 2 (graduate) to the mix and take away an income. I have every right to be stressed out, wigged out crazy most days. 

But I have even more of an obligation to choose to be joyful instead! Just so you know my favorite band is For King and Country and their song “Joy” is totally the inspiration I get for this.

You see, I am a planner. I love my calendar app. I like having a daily schedule. I like to be organized. Everything has a place. But as an officer's wife plans can change in an instant (or just being married to my husband can do that too, sorry babe lol) God knows that kids don't believe in schedules and to top it off they are a GIANT mess, especially 2 toddlers. 

I was noticing that I was being really harsh with my husband and my kids when I really didn't need to be. I was closing myself off from them too so I could "take a break" (check fb/play a phone game/stupid stuff) so I could be ready to handle them. 

I like to laugh with God when I think about where I am in life right now. Good one buddy! You got me! Thanks for all the teachings hahaha now can I have my life back now...

That's not how it works, so I am (finally) choosing to really (and I mean really) just give it all up to God and go with the flow of the day (day by day) and choose to be happy with every situation that is thrown my way throughout the day. Some days are WAY harder than I think it should be while other days so me just how blessed to be in love with my best friend and have these 2 beautiful babies to teach and help grow to be amazing people. Most people don't live this but I do and I need to be grateful and show that daily. This doesn't mean I can't get upset, but I am not letting that upset ruin a whole day. 

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." Romans 12:12 ESV

I could go on and explain how my children really decided to test me last week and see if I could handle being joyful all day (insert my youngest screaming bloody murder as we walk into the happiest place on earth, all the way up till we get to the castle. Its Disneyland for heaven's sake! There's no crying at Disneyland!)

Below are a few verses I keep on my phone to read and pray on when I notice I am getting in a mood. Remember, this is a beautiful life we have been given! We get to choose how we feel about our situations and from now on I am choosing joy!

“In every situation take up the shield of faith with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.”
Ephesians 6:16 CSB

“Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in everything; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 CSB

“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.”
Romans 12:12 ESV

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
James 1:2-4 ESV

“do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:6-7 ESV

Lets talk money!

Something that I feel I see A LOT on social media is how people are just waiting for pay day, especially in the LEO world. My husband gets paid once a money so, honestly, we have to be smart about how we manage our money to make sure it last all month long. The thing that gets me is that we have never had a problem living on just his income. When we got married and we discussed our finances, we decided we would "live" on his paycheck and whatever I brought in would be our family fun money (basically just extra). And we chose to live like that from day 1 so every time he got a raise (they get a raise the first 3 years I think 🤔) we would act like it wasn't there and put it away. Then child #1 came and we were still doing good. The child #2 came and we decided I should stay home and I got really scared really quick! But after a year of it we have done just fine once again and I would say even better now that I am learning how to save here and there and that is what I want to share today. 

We pretty much put $500-1000 into our savings every month, just on his income alone! I know things will change as the kids get older and do more things but I don't think it should be as stressful as "eating top ramen" for the last few days of the month. Now I am no financial person but I know how to handle my money and handle it well enough to have our fun but make sure we don't go into debt doing it. So here are a few tips...

1. TITHE!!! Give back what God has given you. All He asks for is 10%. This was the hardest thing me first because I always felt like "well I need that money for x,y,z…" but once I truly let go and let God by thanking Him for what we were blessed with it has always felt like an abundance. 
2. "Live" paycheck to paycheck. Now what I mean by this is the moment the paycheck comes in, I put whatever was left in the checking account into the savings account. We live on what he brings in a month. If we need to do any big purchases or tap into that we can of course but I am not going to keep it in the checking for us to see "oh we have plenty of money, lets splurge". It makes us more conscious of our monthly spending.
3. Know your monthly expenses. Mortgage, gas/water/electric/trash bills, cell phone, internet/cable, IRAs/529 plans, and whatever else you pay for monthly should be mapped out so you know how much you have left for groceries, date nights, outings, shopping, etc. 
4. Grocery shopping online. Now this may not work for everyone but it has been HUGE for us. Pavilions (vons, safeway, Albertsons) has delivery. Your first delivery is FREE and $20 off of $100! After that, I get that same coupon every other week if not every week. This makes things so easy for me. the past 2 months I have spent about $200-225 for the month on groceries! and we pretty much eat at home every night. Not bad for a family of 4. 
5. Money back apps! There are so many ways to get money back from doing shopping you are already doing. It may not be much sometimes, but its better than nothing. I use it to pay for my Starbucks, Amazon, and Stitch Fix habit lol. Here are a few I love and use regularly. Ebates for shopping all different stores online and in store for a few places too. They even have money back for my online grocery shopping! Ibotta also online shopping but more in store options for specific brands. Checkout 51 Fetch rewards Dosh

And always, always, ALWAYS be honest with the spending. People think it is weird that my husband and I ask before even spending like $30-$50 on something for ourselves or the house. We are open and honest about our spending and just want the other to know it. It’s even more of a game when your savers like us and it’s like “guess the deal I just found on xyz...”. In this life as  LEO family, there is so much you can be stressed out about, money shouldn’t be one of them.

““Therefore I tell you: Don’t worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Isn’t life more than food and the body more than clothing?”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:25‬ ‭CSB‬‬

5 years down!

How has it been almost another year since I have been able to sit down and write???

HOW HAS 5 YEARS GONE BY SINCE MY HUSBAND GRADUATED THE ACADEMY???

This past year has been big in giving me insight for the future. I really want to focus myself and my family on what is important and that's God and each other. Maybe its all the negativity in the world or just all that is shared in the media and social media, but I want everything I say and do to be making people better/happy/inspired/encouraged. I also want to share God's word more and have more confidence in what I am sharing. So hopefully I will have more time to share how this CHP wife and SAHM mom of 2 really looks when you live a life truly of Faith over Fear.

It's almost been a year since my husband has moved to an office position and I LOVE IT! I am a very schedule/organized person. Now that my husbands schedule is consistent, I can plan dinner (almost) every night, outings over his weekend, DATE NIGHTS! This is also really great the little ones because they know daddy will be home for dinner (for the most part). They know daddy will play with them over the weekend. I really hope that through the negotiations (that will hopefully start again soon) they can come up with something that helps create consistency for all officers. It can honestly be a 180 for a family if they can make it work.

But lets go back to the idea of date night for today. Especially with having 2 little ones, I noticed that we were not focused on us. I mean why do new need to be? We are married. I already got him, right? 😉 I mean we are both exhausted from the day (between work and the kids). Not having the energy for each other is understandable. But its not okay and I was really feeling it and I know he was too. So for Valentines day I bought us some reading lol. It's called Fierce Marriage and they also wrote 2 "devotional" type books call Husband/Wife in Pursuit (perfect title for a LEO couple huh, even though it has nothing to do with that). This is probably one of the best things we have done for our marriage. Now you don't have to be "falling apart" to decided to do something like this. We have a pretty strong marriage. We just have been getting caught up in everything else that we were forgetting about the other which is so easy to do, especially in his line of work. Finding the balance of letting him have his time to wind down from work and being there for me and the kids is hard. So we started reading these devotional and we actually had to stop on day 10 of 31 because we were spending so much focus on each other it was a little exhausting lol. But just in those 10 days it refocused us back on each other and what the other one does ourselves, for our family and our walk with Christ. Even though I am almost always a crazy ball of hormones thanks to birth control it feels like, we have a lot more understanding and patience with each other and spending that time we need too with each other. Again, we are not perfect, nor will we ever be but we sure can strive to be a better couple pursuing one another while we pursue God more.

1 John 4:18 ¹⁸There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

So don't forget to keep dating! There is no reason that this profession should have a higher divorce rate if we are both in it for the long haul, able and willing to purse one another!

2 under 2... and a trainee

This past month has been crazy! My husband is an FTO (field training officer) and this past mo th he has had a phase 3 (month 3 on) trainee. Pretty sure I hate road life and/or FTO life now. I was thinking “third phase this should be good! He should have his shit together and be on top of stuff so that he can be ready to go out alone. Third phase should be awesome”. ABSOLUTELY WRONG! I’m pretty sure my husband worked 16 hour days 90% of the month! Meaning dinner? Just me and the kids. Bath time? Just me and the kids. Bed time? Just me and the kids! He was going days without seeing his kids. It has been insane! I have never wanted 8 hour shifts so bad before! Now I can get over it and do what needs to be done, and my daughter is too young to notice dad not around. But my son would just break my heart. Now he would act like he understood when I would say “sorry buddy daddy’s at work” but some nights he would just stand by the door and say “dada” over and over. Teaching your children this LEO life is harder than I thought it was going to be.

But with the bad, comes the good! There was an in office position opening up as all this was going on and my husband was interested. After a lot of discussion and prayer we decided it was worth applying for. The worst things were going with the trainee the better this position was looking. And thankfully he got an interview and even better the position! Shift work has been so much harder with 2 under 2 than I ever thought it was going to be. But this new office life hours should be nice! Knowing he will always be home at 4:45, always knowing he has weekends and holidays off. Being able to actually plan the next year will be amazing!

So I am feeling like my favorite verse goes perfect with this month.
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”
‭‭Galatians‬ ‭6:9‬ ‭NIV‬‬
There are always going to be trails, but how we handle them to make it through is what makes the end even sweeter. God always has a great plan for us, we just have to keep moving forward and trusting in him.

Late night again

So with 2 under 2 now I rely on my husband more when he gets home from work. I try my best to time dinner accordingly, time for him and his boy to hangout before he goes to bed and then snuggles with his girl before she goes down. And maybe even a few moments just for us before starting all over again the next day. But being off on time is hardly a thing in this LA area office, that I’m use to, but getting the phone call “there has been a fatal in the area, don’t expect me tonight” are words that just suck all around.

I can get pissed off that I now have the whole day just me and the kids, even bath and bed tonight but what good does that do. And unfortunately someone out there just lost a family member. Others could be a part of this and have to live with taking a life. My husband is now exposed  to an awful scene.  Honestly the last thing I thought about when I got the call this time was me and the kids. That’s when you know you are a true LEO family. Dinner is already in the crockpot so it will be ready for him when he gets home. He may miss the kids tonight but there’s always FaceTime. My first thought was how awful for this family, especially Easter weekend.. How awful for the officer and first responders who have to go to this scene. Just get there, get to work and get home safe. 

As a LEO family, we choose to support our LEO at all times. The things they see and deal with, many people wouldn’t be able to handle for longer than a week, if that. For them to know “don’t worry, I have it taken care of on the home front” is what makes their work lives easier. Right no he doesn’t need to focus on me and the kids. He needs to focus on this life lose and their family. 

“"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5:4‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I feel comfort knowing my guy is out there to help comfort others. With God as our family foundation, he can help show a compassion to this situation not everyone can. And the more I can take care of everything at home, the more he gets to be that man of God in uniform. 

So yes, the late night suck, but remember why he has those late nights and how you can help the situation. Don’t worry, he will repay you for your support and strength at home in the future. 😉

Faith over fear

I really wish I had more time to get to write here. But I really am going to try to make more of an effort.
Life update: our little family has grown and we now have a beautiful daughter! We are currently raising 2 under 2. Never thought I would say that but so far so good! I have stepped back from teaching to raise these amazing children (something I want to talk about later) but still do my at home beauty business because I need it for me and it’s good family fun money, everyone should have a side at home business!

Faith over Fear
Those are words I have strived for my whole life. I may not have lived in a bible quoting Christian family but my parents did teach me this and remind me all the time. This chapter in my life could have fear written all over it. So much hate is going towards law enforcement, raising 2 children under the age of 2 and still keeping my sanity, lol, choosing to live on one income. These are all things that would/could make people fearful everyday.

“for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭1:7‬ ‭ESV‬‬
Starting with the kids and the job. When I found out my little girl was on her way I was in a panic. I had my hands full with my son, how was I ever going to be able to handle 2! And with a job? I refuse to ask my parents or in laws to raise my kids. They raised us. Watching them occasionally, of course! They love it! But everyday? multiple times a week? No way. And there is also no way I would pay for child care. What’s the point of working if that’s all it is paying for? If we are going to have kids, we are going to raise them. If we can’t do that with both of us working, then it’s time for this momma to focus on the family. So not only am I freaking out about adding another, now I am going to leave my job, this program that I have built for 5 years, not knowing if I will ever be able to come back. Fear just overwhelmed me of being “stuck” at home. But God always knows what he is doing. And focusing on this verse and thinking of the positives all of this was going to bring. How powerful it will be to raise my kids myself. To have that impact on them. The love that is going to grow in this family by being able to strictly focus on my family. And teaching me self control when it comes to being a part of so many things outside my family. In today’s day, women are told they can do anything but because of this we do everything! I do believe that women can do anything but we don’t need to to it all. I was working (teaching & my business), I was volunteering, I was trying to be the perfect mom and wife and honestly pretty exhausted at everything. God brought my daughter into my life to refocus on what matters and help me find this self control.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”
‭‭John‬ ‭14:27‬ ‭ESV‬
It has been a harder time that ever to be a LEO wife (spouse). There are people out there that just want to hurt my husband because of what he chooses to do for a live for his family. The idea is scary to think of, especially with 2 little ones now. As we have another fallen officer, I can’t help but think “what if” at times. How in the world would we manage? But I know that is just the devil getting into my head. God gave my husband this drive, this passion to be a CHP Officer. As his wife, I fully support him and his career. I more than support, I am so proud to be a LEO wife. He does what people wouldn’t dare to do. And I have peace that God is with him every time he puts on that uniform , puts on that badge, drives those roads. I cannot be afraid or I will never make it through this life. So I pray, I read, I study and I know God’s peace within as we go through this journey.

What got me to think through all this is a new shirt I bought on Southern Charm Designs. I absolutely love her stuff! She focuses on first responders designs so I have a few different Thin Blue Line things but this past purchase has been my favorite.

Everyone needs to check out her stuff and fall in love too!

Hope this encourages you today!

Rolling with the punches

So it seems like life is throwing a few curve balls our way lately...
1. The surprise of our daughter coming this December.
2. CHP getting rid of 12 hour shifts as of Jan 1, 2018, and the state only allowing 8 or 9 hour shifts till they can figure out this 10 hour thing.

If it was just one or the other I think I would be able to manage a lot better but both at the same time is really making things hard! I currently work as a part time high school teacher. It is awesome! I only work 2x a week and I get to do what I love (outside from being a wife and mom of course). This works perfect with my husbands schedule. Hes on 3, off 4 or on 4 off 3 and we just make sure that days he has off are the days I teach. Perfect right?

Now I knew I was going to take 6 months off when my daughter is born. Taking care of 2 under 2 does not sound easy and I want to get as adjusted as I can. But now with the changes I feel like life after Jan 1st is completely up in the air. If his office is going to 8 hours, that means working 5 days a week. There is no way I will be able to work. I am not sending my kids to day care just so I can pay for it teaching. That makes no sense. And honestly my husband and I already decided that we wanted to raise our children. We are blessed to live perfectly comfortable on his income that there is no reason we should be having someone else influence our children so early on. But I am so torn! I love being mommy! It is really the best feeling in the world but it really is the hardest job ever. Being a teacher gives me a break from mom to remember I am something else. Although my commute is awful, its a really great feeling. The idea of not coming back to it for longer than 6 months has me feeling so stuck.

Maybe it is because so much is still all up in the air with them trying to decide if they are really going to let them do 10s and if my husbands office is going to choose that too. I just really wish someone would make a decision already so I can move forward with things! I am such a planner and life after Jan 1st so not decided and it's making me crazy!


So I keep trying to recite this verse in my head
Jeremiah 29:11 11For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I know that God has great plans for this family, and for me specifically. I just have to be all trusting in what lies ahead knowing that He has it. Actually, yesterday my pastor was talking about this too and used the analogy of a parade. When you are there you only see float by float but God is overhead and can see the whole things and knows exactly what you are in for. Thought this was such a great visual. I have to stay excited for the next float that is coming our way. This float has been great but what could be next?

The American Dream

So I want to get back to writing again. I have seen so many complain about the life of a LEO wife/family and I find it quite annoying. LOL Yes this life has many ups and downs. But the one thing I always go back to is I chose this life just as much as he did. I knew my husband wanted to be an officer of some kind when we were dating many years ago. So it wasn't a surprise when he got into the CHP. I knew what we were getting into. I knew it wasn't going to be all roses and rainbows. I knew he would miss holidays and family events. I knew that he could get called to court with days notice. I knew he wasn't going to be off work right on time after every shift. I'm not saying it's easy, AT ALL, but I'm saying I knew what to expect (somewhat) before he accepted the position and we said "I do".  If I was not willing to do this life, I would have walked away but I love my husband and was ready for the journey God had for us and our family. So I really hate to say it but "suck it up buttercup!" It's a journey that will have you laughing, crying, screaming, and loving every step of the way.

So I want to continue this blog to share our ups and downs and share that we are getting through it. And even better we are thriving through it. So it's been a year since I have written anything and life is really crazy beautiful! We now have an adorable 11 month old son, W, who has just changed our world for the better. But even more now, we are 17 weeks pregnant with our 2nd!!! It took so long for us to get pregnant with W I never imagined God would bless us with another one so quickly! We are so excited for our little Christmas miracle coming. So here we are, the Officer and the Teacher, almost 2 kids, a cat & dog, homeowners, almost debt free from college... seriously the American Dream. I hate to say that sometimes but then again we have worked hard to get where we are and are trusting and praising God every step of the way! This LEO family life has blessed us so much to be where we are. Again, not saying I am not pissed when he gets a late accident and I am doing dinner, playtime, bathtime and bed all on my own while pregnant. But when he does get off on time and walks through that door safely another day and W yells "dads" with a huge smile on his face, every bit of the downs are 100% worth it! So stay positive, stay humble, stay happy even when it's hard because it will get better and it will be worth it!

Edited:
I wrote this before church this morning yet I felt like my pastor was speaking exactly how I was feeling about this! So here are my notes from service because it goes so well and having God's word through this life is exactly what we need!

Hebrews 12:1-2 NKJV

“Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

1. Resilient people practice self control- 2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV- “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” Resilient people have a plan, and have a contingency plan... and so on. Get a grip, plan ahead and move on with their lives. Everything does not come easily! "I was not born with a silver spoon, but I had a spoon"- Pastor. You have to plug in to get it. The longer we push the limits, the stronger our faith becomes. 

When life give you lemons

I have to say I live a pretty basic, normally, busy life. Not only being a CHP wife, a mom to be, part time high school teacher, Mary Kay beauty consultant, board member a chapter of Soroptimist International. I have a pretty good routine I am in too, especially with my husband still on desk duty (i'll explain later) but overall I think I handle it pretty well. Except for last week... last week, by Sunday I believe I was allowed to give up just for a little bit. I don't want to bore you guys with every last detail of it but to hit some major points

• Monday- left work computer at home so everything else that day just decided it didn't want to work. Seriously, every class had something wrong. 
• Tuesday- horrible indigestion and exhaustion... looks like 3rd trimester is welcoming me with all kinds of symptoms.
• Wednesday- We had an attempted suicide by a student, craziest thing I have ever been a part of
• Thursday- Glucose tolerance testing, no profit Mary Kay event.. just a long day
• Friday- meetings at work, trying to get a hold of someone to explain my glucose testing for like 2 hours
• Saturday- fun but not so profitable Mary Kay event, then my alternator in my car decided to die
• Sunday- my last living grandparent, my Dad's dad, passed away

So I am very happy it is Monday... new month... new week!

Back to my husbands hand now. We went back to the doctors about 2 weeks ago and they took off the cast! (Don't get excited yet) Did more x-rays only to find out it is still not healed. Back on a new cast goes. For another 4 weeks! We were told that the bone that is broken doesn't get great blood circulation which causes healing to be slower. :( But whatever needs to be done to get this healed properly. Again, his office has been so understanding, keeping him busy working with accident investigations which he is really enjoying. As much as it sucks that we ere hoping to rock some OT right now and have a nice chunk of change but aside for baby expenses, but that must not be God's plan. We are always able to save just on our paychecks anyway so maybe God is trying to get us to realize that we are just fine where we are. :)

So today I choose to be positive, like I did last week at least up until Sunday, and remember how blessed we are right now and take each day as it comes! :)

2 years in... a lifetime to go!

So this post is a little late but better late than never right?

My husband has officially been an officer for 2 years and thankfully still loving  it. I don't think that will change. We really are blessed that God put in his heart so early and that he followed it. This year he is getting to see many different sides to the job though. See in my last entry I shared he was in a motorcycle accident and luckily he only had road rash and bruising. Well turns out that he broke his wrist. He was still in pain about 2 weeks ago so we thought might as well get it re X-ray'd and sure enough now he has a cast. This means he is on desk duty for 2 months! Hopefully they will only do about 6 weeks but we will see. Anyway, he thought he was going to be hanging out with the clerical ladies for that time but so far they have put him in accident investigations, meaning he get to proof read everyone's reports. Doesn't sound very exciting to me but it is kind of perfect from him.The best thing is that they can even do that too. They joke around with him, of course, but overall everyone has been super supportive. Although it did ruin our mini babymoon since he lost his 6 days off to have to go work inside but to have him come home happy everyday is just fine with me. I have a substitute for my teaching position if we want to get away once he is all healed.

Speaking of baby... we are having ourselves a little boy! We are so excited about it! At first I thought I wanted a girl but week by week this want for a little boy grew stronger and stronger. And all the "old wives tales" were telling us girl so to see that ultrasound was such a shock and excitement! We are even going to go all CHP themed with the shower and nursery. I mean why not? We are proud of the life we live and the organization he is a part of. It really is a part of our family. Besides there is so much "just like daddy" or "daddy's backup" stuff out there I could just die!

Even though people don't stay at his office very long... watching friends leave more and more, I love this office and this career he chose. Ready to see what it bring with a little one too!

Reality Check

So first, fun, happy stuff... we are officially in the 2nd trimester! Yeah for feeling more like myself and getting back to doing what I want to do. :) And seeing out little one who actually looks like a baby now which is so exciting! It even had the hiccups when we saw it last so it was moving around, CRAZY!

Anyway... After our 3 month appointment my DH decided he missed his motorcycle and wanted to see if he could still do some of the things he has learned in training. Little did I know that about an hour later I would be getting a phone call from him that the paramedics were on their way to check him out because he took a "tumble" off his bike. When I finally believed him (he likes to prank me from time to time and his voice was way too clam) I panicked! I'm pretty sure I yelled at him "You are going to be a parent! You need to stop doing things like this!" LOL Anyway, it was much more then he said it was. When I got there they had him in the ambulance, on the stretcher, taking him to a trauma er. See we have Kaiser so I was like why can't we just go there? And they told me they wouldn't be able to be he needs more of a trauma center. Seriously??? Okay then off we go to a hospital in the ghetto. I probably arrived about 10 minutes after they did so I went to the er information booth and they guy told me I would have to sit down and wait at least 45 minutes before I got to see my husband. I lost it! I seriously lost it! Lucky for him, not on him. I went outside and just starting bawling. The called my sister and told her I needed her. Then I just sat there trying to get it together. I mean seriously? Who tells the wife of a patient sit down and wait 45 minutes!?! Anyway, the ER staff knows how much of a pain that info guy can be and his doctor actually came out to find me and bring me to him! So great! Set me up in the family room because I knew the friend that was with him was coming and now my sister. Little did I know my parents and his parents were coming as well. By the time my sister got there the info guy must have had a talking to because they had no problem letting all of them in. Anyway... long story short now after a cat scan, x-rays of his entire body he has bruised ribs, bruised kidneys, and some bad road rash. At first they were going to keep him over night because the kidneys worried them but they let us go around midnight instead. So it has been interesting taking care of my husband, making sure he isn't doing somethings but needs to be doing others. Being like a nurse and changing the road rash bandages daily. It has been interesting to say the least but for it just to be bruises and road rash I would be happy to keep doing it! Needless to say he will not be getting back on a motorcycle anytime soon, especially with our first little one on the way, even though he wants to in the future. That will be a conversation for the far future for me.

2016 is going to be a great one!

Man... When God has a plan there is no stopping it! 

Like always, lets begin CHP. Nothing too exciting recently which is just fine with us. Hubby has decided he is going to rethink the motor thing. As long as he is happy I am happy, and of course happier when I feel he is safer. But we got a pretty awesome schedule this quarter, Thursday-Saturday off. Yes, we have a weekend off! This just shows you how easy it is to have numbers at an LA office like this. Since I teach Monday's and Wednesday's we are getting so much time together which is really nice. Especially with all that's is going on.

That being said guess it time for big news... WE'RE PREGNANT!!! Seriously just as we have extra space in our new home, we don't have to think too long what to do with that extra room. So far I am 10 weeks along and oh so enjoying being nauseous all the time and trying to keep food down, and needing to pee 2-3 times throughout the night.. not! But if this is what is needed of me for this little one to be okay then I am so in. I could use a little less but hopefully in a few weeks that will happen. 

So there is going to be a lot more about how much I love/hate this life while being pregnant lol. So far, very happy! We have an awesome support from our CHP family and can't wait to see what the next few month will bring.

It has been a long month!

Where do I even begin???

Let's start CHP... Unfortunately his office his having a very high amount of fatal crashes lately and my husband had to take his first. Well technically it was his second but the first was an older man who had a heart attack while driving. This was a fatal because of the crash. One thing that was good and scary to see at the same time was how my husband handled it. It was just another day at the office. Just another crash. Didn't seem to hit him in any crazy way. This is good for the job of course because this is just year 2, he is going to see a lot worse in the future, so knowing that he can handle it like this is good. But at the same time my heart sank hearing about this and shook me a little so not seeing much at of him who was actually there when the crazy went down is just a bit odd for me. But overall I know its a good thing for him to be like this during those times.

Another things CHP related is we are finally seeing everyone transfer out of this office. We knew it was coming. We always heard that people don't stay but now it is becoming more of a reality. Even though I haven't had a chance to get really close with anyone, they are still friends I have had a great time getting to know a little bit and it will be hard to see them go but that just means more will come in and maybe they will stay. The office Christmas party is this weekend so it will be nice to mix and mingle with some of the other wives and not just the ones from my husbands class. A lot can change in 2 years.

Now on to fun stuff... WE ARE HOME OWNERS! The crazy journey to purchasing our first home is done and we are happily in our new home. We got to move in the day before Thanksgiving which was great and crazy. We actually got a call like 2 hours before we were suppose to get the keys that escrow missed a place that the seller needed to sign and it couldn't be recorded that it was our till the following Monday. Our realtor had to scramble to find the seller to write up a contract that we could move in "early" because it was not our fault that it wasn't closed yet. We finally moved into our new home about 9-10pm. Oh... and then we locked ourselves out around midnight. LOL It was crazy but we made it work and now we have just been putting together our home. I decided to have events this weekend (1 for my business, another a family gathering) at my home which makes getting the house together a bit of a hurry, but its coming together nicely!

Very excited to spend our first holiday season, relaxing in our own home :)

So much going on!!!

It has been awhile since posting and honestly its because we are so busy with stuff other than CHP! :) Its nice when it is not the center of the world for awhile.

We are actually in the escrow for our first home which we should be moving to in the next week or two! We cannot wait this is process is over. Many people told us it was the most stressful thing to go through in your life... I think the academy was worse so at least that was good. LOL Still hasn't been easy though.

Anyway, my husband has had his first trainee this past month, which has been interesting. Makes me feel good knowing he is not the one swamped with reports but then again I am annoyed when he is home 2 hours after the shift ended because he was waiting in his trainee to get things done. But overall he has enjoyed it and I knew he would. He has such a giving heart I know he hasn't been a total pain to his trainee but at the same time its funny to hear the stories of the trainee leaving the lights on and how he has had to get them to notice without flat out telling them.

The one thing I have really enjoyed about him becoming a FTO is that he has more confidence in himself and seems more relaxed with his coworkers. He is such a "perfectionist" that he can get really hard on himself for things but since he has a trainee he is focused on them. He comes home with more light-hearted stories of how the FTOs were sitting back watching their trainees figure out an accident together or comparing at the end of the day which trainee had a better day. Pretty much, he comes home a lot happier being an FTO. He doesn't have a trainee next phase but I am hoping the following he will because it will be fun to see the difference of FTO 1st phase and FTO 3rd phase.

Once exciting thing is we have a holiday off! He actually got Thanksgiving off! I like that our office just keeps things the way they are. if you normally work Thursday, then guess what you work Thanksgiving. At least that way I expect it. And come on this is only his 2nd year so we don't expect any holidays, which is completely fine! We know we picked this life and this is just something that comes with it, no biggie. But if we are not moving that day, it will be really nice to actually just enjoy the holiday together.

Until next time! Pray for us and the closing of escrow and moving! :)

A great part about this job

I have to say, being a part of the CHP family really is pretty awesome. Yes it can be dangerous and the paperwork for them at times is very overwhelming but overall my husband LOVES his job and I am right there with him.

But I do have to the the best part about his job, at least in my books at the moment, is OT! We are very blessed to be able to live on his paycheck alone (even though I choose to still work, I love to work lol) But when we need extra money there is almost always OT. Now I know this is not the situation at most offices, another reason why I love being in a LA office. Right now we are going through escrow to purchase our first home. My husband is just a little freaked out that all our money is going to the down payment and closing cost (which most is, for sure) so what does he do? He picks up a few OT shifts. Just in the past 2 days he has 17 hours of OT. It is really nice to know that when it comes down to it and we need more money for something we want there is a way to get it.

We were really hesitant about working OT because so many talk about how you can get use to working it and that money always coming in so you start living the life where you need that OT instead of it just being extra. Plus we really value our time together and when we don't have a full day together it really through us. Honestly, he has only worked like 5 OT shifts in the past 2 years on and many people work way more than that. But the good part about that right now is that that make his the top person on the list now that he actually wants the OT.

Also, there are many different types of OT. He has done a DUI detail which means his own job that nigh is to pull over people in the area he thinks are DUI. He has had "construction" details like now the I-5 has major construction going on so they need officers to sit at the site and make sure dumb people don't drive into their closed off ramp. Or "freeway cleanup" detail and they need an officer to make sure everyone is doing their community service. So even though he may be working 5 days in a row with just 1 day off to go back at it, those OT shifts are not crazy and come be a blessing for him to get some reports finished before he goes back for his normal shifts.

So yeah for OT, boo for less time together but its only temporary and it will make this moving process to our NEW HOME that much better!

Can't wait to share with you guys next week because he has his first trainee this weekend for the next month! Bring on the new boots!