Living for the present instead of the possible

Did anyone else think that January was THE LONGEST MONTH EVER!!!

So in my life, I have 4 birthday in January (kind of 5 if you count my daughter which is Dec 30th so close enough). The holidays don't end on Christmas, they really begin and keep going till February.
And this year even more got added to the January plate... my husbands family was all going to be together, for a week, for the first time since our wedding 6 years ago! Oh yeah, and I decided I wanted to do a Spartan race for the first time with my husband. 🤦🤦

Now for a planner like me, this was a nightmare!!! We had all these "events" but nothing really "planned". I had to let go of so much to just go with the flow of birthdays, family time, meals, children's naps, etc. And guess what? I survived. We all survived. We even had a great month. I wasn't in control of every minute and we all did just fine. Yes, there were some crazy times and my children didn't nap or go to bed like they normally do but we all made it through with some great memories.

• We took my niece to Disneyland for the first time with my kids and everyone had a blast!
• We went to Knotts Berry Farm with my husbands whole family for a day. Our kids got to do something new, bond with their cousins they hardly get to see and we even got to go on a few things too to enjoy time with them as well. 
• We froze our butts off at the beach but I learned how much my children really want to go to the beach more (I hate the beach lol but maybe I need to get over it)
• I did my first Spartan race and I kicked butt! lol I climbed walls and cargo nets, flipped tires and did quiet a few burpees to earn that medal but I did it, with my amazing husband! Honestly, I am kind of addicted now.
• Husband and I went to taping of our favorite show and had so much fun! Even already seen ourselves on TV lol
• I would like to add I read/listened to 2 books! lol I have added reading/listening to audiobooks to my "things to do in 2020" and I am actually doing it! (One, which has lead me to this entry today)

These are things people do in a year, or even years and we did it all in the month on January!!! I was stressed out, wigged out, crazy for most of the month and what for??? If I am always looking 2 steps ahead how can I enjoy what is right in front of me???

The plan for my life was never the SAHM, married to an officer, ideas of homeschooling one day but here we are and yet I am always still looking 2 steps ahead instead of just enjoying the now.

As month 1 of 2020 is over, I am looking forward to month 2 and focusing on the here and now of spending time with my family and hopefully soon friends too! Because life is too short, and quick for us to only focus on whats next and not enjoy time with one another and show God's love and grace to one another. 

Proverbs 3:1-6 CSB

1My son, don’t forget my teaching,

but let your heart keep my commands;

2for they will bring you

many days, a full life, and well-being.

3Never let loyalty and faithfulness leave you.

Tie them around your neck;

write them on the tablet of your heart.

4Then you will find favor and high regard

with God and people.

5Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

and do not rely on your own understanding;

6in all your ways know him,

and he will make your paths straight.

Below are a few resources I love and the books I have read so far. Check them out
Books
Right Side of History
Everything Happens for a Reason

Resources
Libby- app for library ebooks/audiobooks FREE
Hoopla- another app for library ebooks/audiobooks FREE
Emory Lane- bc I love supporting small businesses and I live in these shirts lol

2020 Vision

Since it is the theme of EVERYTHING, might as well use it too. But to have a clear vision, we must first look back.
2019- If you ask me, this year was probably one of the biggest growth years our family has had. The stress it was to get through our first year with 2 kids was so much on me personally and our marriage in 2018 that 2019 meant we got to reconnect and rebalance our family. The decision to change churches was also a huge step that created so much joy and peace throughout the year as well. And I got to focus and figure out myself and reconnect my personal faith again. God showed us to much grace and love this last year and I am hoping it with just grow from here.

So what does 2020 look like for this CHP family?
I’m hoping it looks like my husband getting to venture into new avenues in the department and new trainings because this is a great time for him to do so. If your husband has opportunities to add to his resume, make sure you can support him in those as much as possible! For a family in so cal, him doing trainings up north isn’t always ideal but they can be great connections made, ideas learned and even fun family adventures if you have the means to do that with him.

For our family?
I am hoping to get more organized with the idea of homeschooling these littles one day. By starting now with toddler activities and preschool lessons to get my head wrapped around what it would look like.
Maybe a move? Maybe a remodel? Maybe an addition? (In more ways than one) Only God knows those answers but we are opening our hearts and minds for what He does have planned for us this year and going to take it day by day, step by step knowing He has the best plans laid out for us if we just continue to walk with Him. Trusting he has made us just for this journey.

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:33‬ ‭CSB‬‬

So here is to 2020! May it be a blessed one for you and yours!

Surround yourself with Gratefulness

As we head into the holidays, it always is a hard time for some and a joyous time for others. I like to remind myself (and others, if I can) that whatever we surround ourselves with is what we will be. The people we are around, the topics we discuss, the music we listen to, the tv we watch, the books we read. Raising little humans with a LEO can put me in a very negative spot by the end of the day. Like my husband being “on call” because California is up in flames and they may need him somewhere. Or getting court on a day off that you have had something special planned for like a month. My child(ren) can go all day misbehaving, not listening to a single thing I have to say. My husband can have a rough day of feeling inadequate and unappreciated. I am just suppose to hold it all together for them.  But you know what, most days I can because I prepare myself to do just that.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 ¹⁶Rejoice always, ¹⁷pray continually, ¹⁸give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

I find myself in my Bible more and more. Reading/listening to more books/podcast about the Bible and living a Christian life. The music that is on is either Christian or Country (really what's the difference lol). The news is the last thing I watch. I have to have my head and my heart in the right place to be the Christ-driven mom and the wife I need to be for my family

Now by all means I am far, far, FAR from perfect! But I have so much to be grateful for that I want to make sure I am living a life worthy of what I have been given. And with life's daily struggles we can get caught up in, it can be very hard to get ourselves out and remember just how truly blessed we are.

So here is what I am going to do. I am starting a gratitude journal so that every night I can remember just how much God is blessing over this family for the next 30 days and hopefully from there on out. So I want to challenge you to do the same! Now I am a very visual person so I search online and found a great 30 prompting I can follow the next month. I found this one at Picking Daisies Blog

Hopefully by Dec 1st I can share the difference it has made for me and my family these next 30 days.

Gratitude journal

I feel like I have been complaining A LOT lately. I don't want those negative thoughts always going through my mind. I want to have a grateful mind, heart and soul.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalms 37:4

I have way too many blessings in my life to be complaining that things are not happening at the time I want them too. I feel that God is really pulling me to delight in everything I have now, be content! People would kill for the blessings I have! I truly fell in love with my best friend and am so honored to call him my husband. He has an amazing career (although it's rough most of the time) that he loves so much and I can tell that is is truly a calling from God for him to be wear he is. Not only does he love it but it provides so well for us that we don't worry about financial issues which is huge, especially for our age. Not only do we have his career but my teaching job and business as well. Again, both things I get to call work I absolutely love! And I can seriously go on and on so I decided that I needed to remind myself of those amazing things everyday and started my gratitude journal today!

Last month when I went shopping with my mom one day at TJ Max, I was waiting for her by the door because I didn't find anything I wanted when this journal was just laying somewhere it didn't belong. I just knew I had to have it. Every page has a different Bible verse on it! I needed to start my gratitude journal but I never got around to it. So now I have. Today I started out just listing all the things I have grateful for. Filled up the whole page! I think I want focus on my gratefulness on the verse that is on the page each day. I think I may even share certain verses on here as a way to set the tone from here on out. I don't want this to be a a wife complaining (although I know I will every now and then, I am human). I want this to be a place to strength, faith, hope, love, etc. I want everyone to remember the amazing blessings we have in our lives not matter what we are going through. So tonight I love you with 1 James 1:2-18 and let it just remind our minds, fill out hearts and delight our souls for all God has for us. 😊

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position. But the rich should take pride in their humiliation—since they will pass away like a wild flower. For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich will fade away even while they go about their business. Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.”

James 1:2-18 NIV

1/2 way done w/ week 3

So haven't been able to talk to John much these past 2 days. They got in trouble last week so they have PT every morning @ 4 because of it. So he needs to get some rest before each day so he goes to bed around 9:30-10 if he can. But Monday started the EVOC (driving) training In the classrooms. He is really excited about that. They told him that the reason most people fail out of EVOC is because they psych themselves out. They will teach his everything he needs to know about driving if he just listens and focuses. So I feel so much better about it too. When he gets relief, I get relief. So he got to be in the car when one of the trainers did a 360 on the skid pan. He said it was awesome! Spoken like a true boy. Lol but I love hearing his excitement. They have been running for obstacles in their Cadet uniforms which have been hard but good. 

He passed his first LD test this week w/ 100%. (With me to help him study of course lol) and he said he felt really good about the 2nd one too. So when he gets 100% he doesn't have homework which is awesome and makes things a bit easier. He can let go and move on to the next thing. They have definition for EVOC that they will be tested on tomorrow so he has been able to just focus on that, the penal codes and vehicles codes. He sounds tired but he also sounds like he found his grove, getting things down. I love getting to hear his joke with his roommates and laugh a little. 

He will be coming home for the weekend next week which I cannot wait for! It lets me take a deep breath when I know I will see him soon. I have something to work towards and look forward too.  And we did decide to change the wedding date back a week to November 29th, the Friday after Thanksgiving. We then don't have to stress about him coming home then going back and then coming home again for thanksgiving. I know it will throw off a few people but that's okay. What's important is that he will have less stress about it and we actually will get to enjoying being married for at least a day! So I am just waiting for the confirmation with the venue to make sure the time is good so I can send out the invites and get this ball rolling once again. So look for that! Until next time :)

2 down... On to week 3!

So this has been such a great weekend. I did end up taking the train up to Sacramento and got to spend the whole weekend helping John get things ready for week 3! What a blessing! We got to have such a nice, relaxing dinner together Friday night. Saturday we were up and working. After I made waffles for breakfast, we finished homework and t-shirt by noon. Then shopping for things he needed for the next week by 2. Then we studied like crazy for his 2 LD tests and spelling for next week while enjoying coffee at Starbucks. Btw it was raining like crazy, even got some thunder on Saturday. But anything to help my love follow his dream! Once he felt good about all the information we called it a night and just got to enjoy spending time together. We watched a movie (thanks to Netflix that my aunt has), enjoyed in n out, FaceTime with Johns family, then another movie. It has really been a huge blessing to be at my aunt and uncles house instead of hotel! So grateful for family! This morning we decided McDs breakfast would be good. Then it was laundry, packing everything up (while calling out penal codes and spelling words of course), buzzing his head and once he is done with his shower we will have about 3 hours left to spend this weekend. Sad but so glad I got to come up and spend time with him, helping him study and get things ready for the next week. Even though we both have a bit anxiety about the next week, he is in much better spirits to keep on going! But since he is here I thought it would be nice for him to get to say something here too! So here he is...

Having jenn here with me has has helped me to unwind and helped me to relax. Last weekend I had to take care of so many chores and tasks it made my head spin! This weekend Jenn was here to help me get everything squared away and ready for the next week, god has blessed me so much to have such a supportive woman in my life! There is no way I could do this without her! I may be the one physically bearing the workload of the academy, but Jenn is there by my side supporting me spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. Without her I would not have the strength to continue to push for success. She is my why and the reason I continue on this journey. Everyday when I wake up I remember to remain humble, thanking God for his many blessings in my life. The academy may be difficult, but it is a privilege and an honor to even wear cadet Blues. Thank you all for your continued support and prayers, you keep me uplifted and motivated! 

Week 2 cont.- faith is getting stronger!

One thing that I have been doing is when I have a good verse or hear a good Christian song I am texting them to John. I know he is not getting much time to read them but at least it is something. And Tuesday night I got this in reply...

Babe i have to be up at 330 tomorrow so i cant call but i love you! Thank you so much for your texts, they give me strength. I am  reaching new levels in my faith because of the challenges i face, your texts are so precious to me . Thank you I LOVE YOU!

Best words ever!!!

Anyway, last night they had the night off so him and a few guys went to dinner just to get off campus. When we got to talk he sounded so much better! He was John again! He told me he had passed his 2 test he had taken so far and was about to study for the next. He had been "gigged" twice meaning he did something wrong. When you are gigged 3 times you get your Wednesday off campus privileges taken away. But he is not too worried about it. He knows that everyone is going through it so he is hanging in there. He was actually laughing about it with his roommates. So I know he is in a much better spot than Monday. He was even joking about the things they were yelling at them and how he knows it's just to see how much they can break them down to build them up. Looks like John has been broken down enough and the building process is beginning!

But it looks like we can only take so much being a part. Today I will be working hard to get some orders so that I can take the train up there on Friday and stay till Sunday. At least on the train I can get some things done. I just miss him! And I know I can help him get something's done and lift his spirits more. So if anyone needs Mascara & makeup remover I only need 9 more people to order those so I can go up tomorrow! Or 6 microdermabrasion sets, or 3 miracle set, you get the picture. Lol it can really be anything but that made it easier for my brain! Just text me or Order online here :) it's greatly appreciated!

So I can't wait to see him! Hear all about his stories and help him get all his stuff together. I know we're stronger together! So off to work I go to so I can see the love of my life! 

Week 2 day 1- no fat table!

So today they measured the body fat percentage of the cadets. John thought for sure he was going to be on the fat table. When they are on the fat table they have to keep track of everything they eat. So basically it's just more work. But thank God he is not!!! Anyway, he had a really hard day today. He said it was his hardest so far. Even made him really have to think why he is doing this... Gosh that is so hard for me. I just want him home. I just want him happy. I hate having to hear him so stresses out and with so much anxiety. And I cant do anything about it! Well I can do one thing, pray, and I know that's a lot but i just want to do so much more!!! 

He was worried about the wedding today. He is worried that he won't get the weekend off. So I may be changing the date here. I am going to give the venue a call to see if there is anything we can do. who knows. I just want to do anything and everything I can do to make sure he does not have any added stress on him. So keep an ear open for that...

They had 2 more people quit today. Down from 143 to 140. But we can get through this. He said he's not leaving till he graduates or they kick him out. What's funny is we thought that PT would be the one thing that really kicked his butt and he said that is just fine. He had a test today. He's pretty sure he passed. But he has another one tomorrow he was going to study for before he went to bed. So I guess once again all I can say is PRAY. Pray for his peace! Pray that his spirit is lifted and he is encouraged everyday. Just pray!

Week 1 done! On to week 2!

If you want to see some photos of John follow CHP recruiting on FB and they have a photo album of his class CTC II-13. See if you can find him in the pictures. :)

So Friday was the end of week 1! They did lose someone. Someone quit they think because of an injury prior to coming that was hurting too much for PT. But we will see how many they really lose when everyone comes back tonight. It's harder to quit and leave than it is to just not go back. But anyway, John said it took like 2 hours to leave the academy grounds on Friday night. They were testing the cadets leaving, asking about certain codes. If they didn't know the answer they would send them to the back of the line. But by the time John got close they decided it was taking too long and just let them go. So he stayed the weekend at my aunt and uncles house, who were out of town so he got some quiet time althought I think he would have liked to have some social interaction with people. He spent most of Saturday shopping for all the stuff he needed for the next week and making his stenciled and shirts for PT. Sunday was pretty much the same too. We got to FaceTime!

It was good to see him. I felt bad though because he said he called his bunk mates and they were hangout with their girlfriends and all he got to do was FaceTime hangout with me. I really wish I could have been there to help him get all the things he needed and help him make his shirts so he didn't struggle so much but I know all of this will make him stronger. But it was a lot of work he had to get done and didn't have anyone to work with him like most of the other cadets did. He is also someone who over analyzes and over thinks things so he messed up on like 4 shirts (letters weren't big enough, worth what he wasn't suppose to, ect.), and his homework assignment (last time I checked) he had to redo 4 times. (Wasn't straight, missed spelled words, etc.) So here goes to week 2!!! PRAY, PRAY PRAY!!! Pray he just focuses, listens and gets things done with ease!

As for me, I enjoyed my cousins wedding on Friday, which was so much fun! Loved it! Athough before i left for San Diego, my car freaked out after my Mary Kay deliveries. At least I have an awesome future father in law that has a tire shop and could get DeDe all up and going again! Got all my teachings things ready for next week on Saturday, while FaceTiming John all day and then on Sunday I got to see a vision I had when I first starting learning ASL come to life with our first Deaf Awareness Day. Here's to another great week of teaching and a thriving Mary Kay business week!

Day 4... My breakdown

So it's official, I had my breakdown. So I thought that keeping busy was a good thing. Monday when I got home from Sacramento I went straight to my Mary Kay meeting, back to work! All day Tuesday I had training for my new ASL teaching job, 3 ASL tutoring session and a MK delivery. Gone from 9a till about 7p. Wednesday went to the gym, made a MK delivery, finished training and started teaching my 3 students, soroptimist meeting then home. Gone from 10a till 8:30p. Today I went to Zumba, came home did Mk work (booking, selling, coaching, ya know) networking lunch in Santa Fe springs, grand opening chamber event in Bellflower, then went to a LA MK meeting with a new consultant. Worked from 8:30-10:30p. And the breakdown happens when I was trying to leave the LA MK meeting. During the meeting I realized I had missed Johns call tonight but I knew it would be okay and I was doing what I needed to do. But at the meeting they forgot to tell the new people how to get our parking validated and how to leave the parking structure. So first I can't find my way out. I'm tired. I'm confused and I just want to get home. Finally find my way out but it won't let me because its not validated. While trying to figure out what in the world I needed to do John called me again. So I'm trying to not be frazzled because he doesn't need to hear that. But I can't help it, I just started crying. The guy I asked for help from first was rude and wasn't willing to even try to help me out. Then the next woman was rude and all of this is going on with John on speaker phone. I finally decided to just go back up to the meeting room but first I have to go back down to park and one guy who worked their and saw me leave stopped me and asked what I was doing, nicely. Now I lose John on the phone  and just start crying again. But this guy was amazing he ran through the parking structure so he could guide me out. Absolutely above and beyond what he needed to do but he could see I was going through something. When I finally got out all I was thinking was how much I wish I could just run home to John, cuddle and cry because I knew he could take care of everything. He's my rock! But right now he can't be, that's not an option. I must be the rock. Tonight, I truly missed him. If this is just week 1, I cannot even imagine how I am going to handle another 10 weeks before the wedding and then 15 weeks after that. God must think I'm one strong woman... I could really use some Ben & Jerry's right now.

Anyway, let talk about John. He had his first PT today. He didn't say much about it so he must have been able to handle it. He says he is going to get yelled at tomorrow because he messed up his shirt he had to make tonight. I didn't understand why he just didn't make a new one. You can tell he is feeling a bit overwhelmed. He is a perfectionist, an over analyzer. So he said he is getting tripped up on the little things. He said he wanted to go take a driving school thing one weekend, I told him it could have been a good idea before he left but for now just knew that they are going to teach him all he needs to know. But you can tell the retreads are scaring him a bit, not on purpose, but because most of them fell out during driving. But most make it through! I honestly and truly believe that God has prepared him for this a long time ago. This dream was put on his heart for a reason. I don't know how else to change his head that he is going to fail out of this. They had to pick their insurance today and he said he opted out to just stay on his parents till we get married. That way if he doesn't make to through... Seriously! If he keeps having this mindset he won't make it just because he think he wont. But I can only tell him so many times that he has this, he will make it and he just needs to focus one day at a time.  So I keep trying to and keep reminding him that I love him.

So we need prayer and lots of it right now. This is much harder than I thought it was going to be. But I know we can do it!

And if you can/want to send John letters of encouragement please do! Just no packages, nothing that stands out. We don't want attention drawn to him but encouraging letters would be great! Feel free to send them to

Cadet Kimble

CTC III-12

California Highway Patrol Academy

3500 Reed Ave.

West Sacramento, CA 95605

Day 2! He's alive!

He called! Only got to talk for about 3 minutes. He sounded exhausted. He said "I love you" like 5 times. I asked him how he was doing and he said "if I said good I would be lying". Awww! I wish there was something more I can do. He said that he thinks the officers are mad at them so tomorrow will not be good. :/  But the one thing he did say was to pray for him. So EVERYONE PRAY FOR HIM!!! This is the hardest thing he will ever have to do but it's for his dream! 

So while I keep praying, I am just trying to keep as busy as possible. Today was a full day for training for my ASL teaching job, then my 3 ASL tutoring sessions, a MK delivery and then home. Then even at home I wanted a distraction so I went next door to play kinect to get moving. Tomorrow will be Zumba on the morning, MK delivery, teaching 3 ASL students and soroptimist. I want to do as much as I can while he is gone so that when he comes back in March I get to spend as much time with him as I want! 

So please keep the prayer coming! One day at a time :)

One of my devotionals was perfect for today...

MARKED MOMENTS 

Before the foundation of the world, God laid out a plan for your life. He created you with a purpose, for a purpose, and He created you to be successful! He has marked moments already laid out that are going to come across your path. These moments are not ordinary. They are destiny-altering moments. They are designed to thrust you years ahead. 

Ecclesiastes tells us that time and chance come together for every person. That means you will have opportunities to meet the right people, opportunities to advance in your career, and opportunities to fulfill your dreams. God has already prearranged for you times of increase, promotion and blessing. 

Today, open your eyes of faith and see the good things God has in store for your future. Thank Him for what He’s doing and what He’s about to do. Thank Him for divine connections and marked moments because He is ready and willing to fulfill every dream and desire He’s placed within your heart! 

Prayer: 
Heavenly Father, thank You for marked moments and divine opportunities in my life. I trust that You are working behind the scenes no matter what the circumstances look like. I choose today to keep my heart and mind focused on Your goodness, knowing that You are a rewarder of those who diligently seek after You in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Introduction

This is about me and my amazing fiancé, John. We have been together for 6 1/2 years now! (Wow) and we are finally "tying the knot" is November 23rd. But enough about that... 2 days ago we got the letter we have been praying for, my fiancé will be a part of the next California Highway Patrol (CHP) academy class! This is his dream career. I can't remember a time he wanted to be or do something else other than CHP. We will be such a great, American couple... the CHP officer and the Mary Kay director! LOL Did I mention it starts September 9th? Oh and it's a 6 month, live-in academy in Northern California and we live near Los Angeles. So I decided I wanted to write about our journey thought this process. Recently I had found blogs from wives who had husbands that went through the academy last year and it was so helpful for my head and my heart. If I can give that peace to another, next time around, then it will be completely worth it! Also I know we have friends and family all over and he doesn't get much time to talk to "the outside world" from what I can see so this can be a great way to keep them informed on everything too. So here is to the next week being attached to my fiancé's, 3 months without him till the wedding, and another 3 months till graduation and the start of the rest of our lives!